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I open my hands and look around. “You’re living pretty damn good, considering you should be in a coffin like my father.” Wanting to piss him off further, I add, “I wish it was you and not him. He was a true man of honor.” I need him to bleed from my words. I’ve been drowning in my own grief from everything—losing him, losing my family. Each of them took more of me. I don’t have much that’s left for myself.
With an edge to his voice, he replies, “I wish that every fucking day too. If I can’t have you, then I’m begging you to end me.”
“I want you to suffer. I want you to lose everything, so you can have an idea of what you have done to me.”
“I’ve already lost everything important to me.”
“You are not the rightful heir to the Irish.”
He beats on his chest, where his heart is. “I feel that here every day.”
“I’m going to destroy you. Your uncle had an illegitimate child. He has an heir. One older than you. The best part—he’s already ranking in your organization. Once I’m done stealing everything from you, I’ll wait until your heart finds hope once again. Each time it beats, I’ll take what it beats for away. You will never know happiness.”
“Welcome to my life. The only time I have ever seen a glimpse of happiness or a future has been when I’m with you. My heart only beats because yours does. Each day I can’t hold you in my arms, it kills me further. I know I fucked up. I hate myself for being so swept up in my own head that I never thought to man up and just ask you. I should have believed in us more. I’m so used to losing everyone I love, and I got scared. I lost you when you were in my grip. I was frightened that everything I thought I felt and believed were lies. I felt dead inside. Because I thought you stopped being in here.” He steps forward and places his palm to my chest, where my heart is beating hard.
“I love you, Luna. I would happily give this all up for you. I never wanted it. The only thing I want in life is you in my arms.”
I want to believe him. I’m tired of being miserable. “Who says we won’t kill each other in a week or a month? Old habits die hard, and I’m worried we’re killing each other slowly just by being together.”
“Let’s be honest; that is what draws you to me. We’re volatile. When we love, it’s with everything we have. When we fight, it’s passionate. We keep each other on our toes. I don’t need time to tell me if we chose right, because I already know. I wouldn’t be here baring my soul to you. I’ve laid my guns down at your feet. I’m asking you to love me or end me. They are the only options for my future.”
I watch in silence as he takes off his suit jacket. His fingers release each of his shirt’s buttons and bear his chest as he kneels down in front of me.
“I’m here, asking you to love me back.” He holds his head up high with sorrowful confidence. Even while he thinks he could be murdered, he does it with pride.
He’s watching me with love in his eyes. It hammers away, and my heart breaks down every wall I ever built. It has me losing my breath as he bares himself to me. I allow the hate, the hurt, and the pain to leave.
My throat clogs, and my legs buckle. I fall to my knees in front of him. Letting go of all our ugliness is as hard as hating him. “All I ever wanted was for you to see me.”
“You’re all I see.” His hands cup my face. “Please forgive me.”
“I want to stop hurting. I’m tired of holding on to everything by myself,” I cry.
“Let me carry your sins with mine. Together, we can be whole.”
I bow my head. “I’ve already put it in place. Everyone will know you’re no longer the rightful heir by morning.”
His fingers tilt my face up. “Good, because I don’t want it. I want you. When I look into my future, it’s you and me. It’s us killing, taking out anyone we want. We are unstoppable together. But apart, I’m nothing but empty.”
“I love you,” I confess, and his shoulders release their tension.
The scariest thing I have ever done is take this leap of faith. He takes my hands and pulls me up as he stands. I wilt into his strong embrace, his crisp scent reminding me that this is what home feels like.
Chapter 31
Luna
“Icouldreallygofor some chocolate right now.” My fingers keep itching for the gun I’m not holding.
Fin laughs, his eyes bright. “You’re going through withdrawal.”
My eyebrows lift in an evil glare. “I’m not addicted to killing. We all know how long I went when you reentered my life.”
“Maybe so, but you got to hunt, and you had the choice.” He holds out my gun to me. “It might help if you pretend you can use it. Just hold it.”
“I am not losing this bet to you. You can put that gun away.”
He comes up and plants a kiss on my lips. Like every other time, I sink into it. He tastes like everything I want in life. I don’t need anything more. Having a baby is crazy talk. And this is how I found myself on my ten-day so-called diet. If I kill someone, I lose and will be forced to have a conversation and be fair about starting a family. But if I win, I get to evade the conversation for a lifetime.
