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“I know.” She looks out the passenger window, gnawing on her thumb. “I put her in danger. I know that. I’m not an idiot.”
I turn back to the road. Jaw again locked tight.
“But you don’t understand.”
“Make me,” I say between clenched teeth.
“I was seventeen when I met him. He took care of me and helped me out of a bad situation. One worse than him. He isn’t all bad. There’s a sensitive side to him. He cares about me. He’s a kind and sweet man, but when he drinks, he gets mean.”
I run my eyes down her bruised body. “Only a monster does that to someone.” I circle back to the road. “Amandoesn’t hurt someone he cares about, and alcohol doesn’t change the man. You can’t blame his behavior on the alcohol. That reasoning is for you. To give you an excuse as to why he hurts you. When the truth is, he’s just a monster. He feeds off your fear, and he won’t stop until you stop feeding it to him.”
“It’s not that easy. It’s hard. I tried to see other men, but I’m afraid of them. I’m scared to be with anyone else. At least, with him, I know what I’m getting.”
I glance at her.
“Look at you. You wouldn’t understand what it feels like when you can’t protect yourself. You’re a man. You’re strong. Fearless. I’m one hundred and ten pounds. I don’t stand a chance against a man like him. You have no idea what that feels like. Shit, I had to call you to get me, to save me from him. Short of killing him, I can’t beat him.”
“The way to beat him is not to be there so he can beat you.”
“Him. Someone else. What does it matter?”
I hear the desperation in her voice, and it shatters my heart. She is so young.
“Really? You tell me?” Her tone shifts. “What if the next man I’m with doesn’t just knock me around when he’s drinking? What if he does it whenever he feels like it? Something bad, but known, is better than something unknown.”
“There are good men out there. More good than bad.”
“Yeah, knowing me, I’ll find another bad one. It’s my luck.” She rests her head back against the car seat. “After you’ve been through what I have, every man scares you.” She takes a deep breath and releases it. “I just want a man I’m not afraid of.”
I glance at her. Poor kid. She’s got a long haul ahead of her, especially now that she has a kid of her own.
I get she’s scared. I’m sure they all are…then I remember what Cassie said to me.
I’m not afraid of you.
What if she feels like this girl? What if she’s terrified to be with another man?
What if I am the only man she’s not afraid to be with?
Fuck! Cassie is right.
The problem isn’t her.
She’s not afraid.
It’s me.
I’m afraid of her.
That’s why I want to take it slow.
Chapter Twenty
“You can put it right there.” I point at the spot for the deliverymen carrying the twelve-foot desk.
I watch them set it down.
The smaller man of the two pulls an electronic device from his back pocket.
