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“She makes me smile, but I don’t know if it’s going anywhere.” I don’t want to talk about Harper. “Mom, I wanted to tell you…” I pause. “I know we don’t ever talk about it, but I wanted you to know that I love you. It must’ve been hard when we were younger and what he did to you. I know you did everything you could to keep us shielded and protected from it. So I wanted to say thank you.”
“Cole.” She waves her hand to stop me.
“No. Let me finish. I never took the chance to say it.”
“And you don’t need to. I’m your mother, Cole. That’s my job, and yeah”—her eyes cast to the side for a moment—“I wasn’t always good at it, but everything I did was for you boys. You’re my heart. My life.”
“We’re going to get you out of here. Get your life back.”
“All I want is for you boys to live your life. I want you to find happiness and love. That’s all.”
“You deserve that as well, Mom.”
She gazes into my eyes for a long time and then smiles. “I spy something gray.”
“That’s not fair.” I chuckle, looking around at all the inmates in their gray jumpsuits.
“Want a hint?”
“Sure.” I shake my head, letting her deviate.
She leans in. “I spy with my little eye something beginning with B.”
“B?” I glance around, seeking out something gray that starts with the letter B. Stumped, I return to her. “Alright, I give up.”
“Already?” Her head jolts back. “Okay, it’s your beautiful gray eyes that I spy.”
“Again, you’re playing unfair.” I grin. “I can’t see my own eyes.”
“Yes. But you know they’re there.” Her smile softens. “Just like me, you might not always see me, but Cole, I am always there. I’m always with you. Now.” She perks up in the chair. “Let’s talk about this Harper.”
“Or…” Two can play this game. It’s my turn to deviate. “We could talk about that friend of yours who lives in Phoenix. What’s her name? Lucy Deetman?”
“Okay.” She holds up her hands. “You win.”
The rest of the conversation veers back to small talk.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not her sounding board. Perhaps, I should leave that job to Brett. Hell, maybe Lix and her are better at this shit, expressing their feelings and talking things out.
I wouldn’t know. We don’t discuss our visits with Mom. The hour we get every three weeks with her belongs to us alone. We rarely share it with anyone, even each other.
It’s as if the kid in us is seeking that special time with their mom. The time we were cheated out of because of what our father did to her. To us. He stole so much from us. Memories that never had a chance to be made. Even from his grave, he’s still taking shit from us.
???
I get home and take a shower. It was a struggle not to get water on my face, but the doc said I could take a shower. And, fuck, I needed it.
I pass by my room, deciding not to lie in bed because I’m a belly sleeper. Afraid I’ll flip over while I’m asleep, I head for the sofa. There’s a better chance of my face remaining not pressed against something when I crash.
After getting comfortable, I close my eyes. My mind drifts to Harper. The way she looked at me at the drop-off. The concern took me by surprise. Doesn’t she understand what I do? Does she think that every escort goes smoothly? Sometimes fists are involved. And honestly, when it comes to me, it’s more than not. Getting a few shots into the fucker always makes me feel good. I like to know I’m hurting them like they’ve hurt the woman I’m there to pick up. I enjoy showing them what it feels like to have someone overpower them in strength and control. Fucked up or not, I relish making them feel small and powerless. It makes me feel good knowing they’re lying on the floor in pain when I walk out of there. I wonder what Mom or Harper would think of me if they knew that truth?
Chapter 34
I sit on the chair watching him sleep like a stalker. It’s his fault. He didn’t change the code to the elevator. He let me walk right in. So when he awakens to find me staring at him, he has only himself to blame.
He’s the one who made me fall for his honorable heart, sexy smiles, and fine ass. Dammit!
I didn’t want to come. And I definitely did not want to tumble like a confused heap of wind-blown emotions for him. After everything I’ve been through, my heart won’t endure another break. This man has the capability of doing just that.
