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“It’s senior year. I don’t want to graduate with all these regrets.” Her gaze flickered to Bryan.
“You should tell him.”
“E-excuse me?”
“What have you got to lose?” I smiled.
“Uh… everything.”
Soft laughter bubbled in my chest. “Don’t be ridiculous. The worst that can happen is he can say he’s not interested. But you’ll never know if you don’t tell him how you feel.”
“I wouldn’t even know what to say… besides, I’m not you.”
“Bryan knows I don’t like him like that. We’re friends, just friends.”
“I don’t know… you saw what just happened. He practically ignored me the whole time.”
“He’s a guy. They’re kind of dumb when it comes to girls.” I smiled. “Just think about it. You might be pleasantly surprised.”
Bryan flirted with Carrie-Anne; I’d seen it. There could be something there, and he deserved to be happy. They both did. The fact they were polar opposites wasn’t a bad thing.
“I’ll think about it,” she said. “But can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“If you think Bryan’s such a good guy, why have you written him off so easily?”
I looked at Carrie-Anne and inhaled a sharp breath. “Because when it’s not there, it’s not there.”
And when it was, it was.
Bryan was a good guy. One of the best guys I knew. But he wasn’t the guy I wanted.
He wasn’t Xander.
* * *
Four days later,I hadn’t seen or heard from Xander. I knew he couldn’t exactly turn up at the Ford’s house asking to see me, but I thought… I didn’t know what I thought.
I just needed to know we were okay, that Bryan discovering our secret didn’t change anything.
It was hardly surprising that when Felicity yelled I had a visitor my mind instantly went to Xander. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t him, but it didn’t stop my heart from fluttering as I leaped off the bed and fluffed my hair, imagining what it would be like to discover him at the door waiting for me.
He’d come inside and tuck me into his side and declare to everyone that we had something to tell them. Naturally, they would be surprised at first, but once they saw how serious we were about each other, they would understand. Then we could be together without fear of recrimination or judgment from the people closest to us.
“Peyton?” Felicity said, and the image shattered, sending a shiver through me.
It would never be like that because life wasn’t a fairy tale. It was hard and messy, and it hurt, and I knew everyone would freak when the truth came out.
But all I’d ever experienced was a life of neglect and disappointment. Was it so wrong to want something for myself? Was it so wrong to want Xander, the one person who got me better than anyone else?
“Hey,” Bryan stood at the door, hands in his pockets, bundled in his jacket and scarf. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“I… uh, sure.”
“Wanna get something to eat?”
“I’m working at five, so we could eat at Cindy’s before my shift?” That sounded a damn sight better than having this conversation in the house where too many people could overhear.
