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“I know, and I don’t want to break your trust.” His expression softened. “But this isn’t right, Peyton.”
Bryan found a parking space on the road near the diner and cut the engine, running his hands around the steering wheel. “Where do you honestly see this going? You’re a senior with your whole life ahead of you, and Xander is… you’ve heard the stories. He’s unpredictable and isn’t exactly looking to settle down. You can’t trust him, Pey.”
I jerked back as if he’d slapped me. “That’s not fair. You don’t know what he’s been through…”
“And you do?” He chuckled bitterly. “Wake up, Peyton. He’s grooming you. He’s—”
“Stop, just stop. It isn’t like that. I…”
“What? You what?” His eyes drilled holes into the top of my head, but I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“I don’t have to pretend with him. I don’t have to plaster on a smile. I don’t have to keep trying to be somebody I’m not. There’s a reason I keep people at arm’s length, Bryan. I’m broken.” Irrevocably, irrefutably broken.
“Peyton, that’s not—”
“Stop trying to tell me how I feel.” The words came out in a rush of frustrated breath. “I have spent years perfecting my armor, but for the first time in my life I feel like I can finally let my walls down.”
Because Xander knew. He knew what it was like to stand on the outside always looking in.
I’d been the pretty one, the popular one who liked to flirt with the guys and enjoy herself. But that girl was a fake. She was a ruse, hiding a life’s worth of pain and fear of never being good enough.
The girl Bryan had fallen for didn’t exist. He’d fallen for the ideal. The girl I pretended to be to hide the cracks, to mask the life that had chewed me up and spit me out.
He released another heavy breath, his eyes flicking to mine. “You’re sure he didn’t—”
“Bryan, I swear to you. I want this…” My eyes dipped and lifted back to his slowly. “I want him. He’s not pressuring me. If anything, I’m the one pushing for this more. He’s a good guy.”
“Fuck.” He shook his head as if at war with himself. “Okay.”
“So you won’t tell anyone?” I held my breath awaiting his answer.
“No, I won’t tell anyone. I don’t like it, but I think I get it… you can’t help who you fall for.”
“Thank you.” The air was thick around us, filled with regret and guilt.
“I just wish it could have been me,” he said quietly.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Bryan shrugged, offering me a half-smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “You deserve to be happy, Peyton. But it isn’t going to be easy with him. You know that, right?”
“I know.” But was anything worth having easy?
“So what happens now?” Bryan searched my face, but I didn’t have all the answers, not when there was so much still to figure out.
“Actually,” I said, an idea forming in my head. “Can you do me a favor?”
“Why do I not like the sound of that?”
“Please… for me?”
It wasn’t fair to use his feelings for me against him, but I didn’t have anyone else to trust with this.
“Fine.” He shook his head. “Just tell me what you need.”
