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“What?”
“Why do you think he offered to keep our secret?”
“Because he’s my friend.”
“Are you really that gullible? He’s just waiting for you to realize that this isn’t what you want…” Confusion clouded Peyton’s eyes and I added, “He’s biding his time to swoop in and comfort you when it all goes to shit.”
Because it would, I realized that now.
I had nothing to offer Peyton. She was a senior with her whole life ahead of her. She needed encouragement to chase her dreams, not a reason to be shackled to Rixon.
That’s what I would become.
A burden.
An obligation.
She would use me as a reason not to go after the things she wanted. I didn’t ever want to become that to her, not after all the shit with my brother.
“What are you saying?” It came out tight.
“We were lucky it was Bryan who found us.” I glanced away from her, unable to stand the hurt in her eyes. “We can walk away now and—”
She bolted off the couch, staring at me with utter disbelief. “Walk away? You want to… end things?”
“Peyton, be reasonable. Bryan saw us.” I’d seen the look in his eyes, the absolute disgust. It would be ten times worse when Jase and my brother found out. We would become a local scandal; Peyton would become a local scandal. I couldn’t do that to her, no matter how much I wanted her. She deserved more. She deserved to walk around town with her head held high. She deserved to be taken on dates without fear of being sneered at, pointed at, and laughed at. She deserved a relationship she wouldn’t have to defend at every turn.
Peyton wanted this now, but would she still want it when she was the main source of town gossip?
I’d spent ten years living life as the local pariah. I didn’t want that for her.
And deep down, she didn’t want that for herself.
She couldn’t.
“I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me,” she stared at me with utter disbelief.
“We weren’t even together. You can’t—”
“Don’t, just don’t.” Her body trembled as she held up her hand. “You’re a coward, Xander Chase. And part of me knew… deep down, part of me knew you might run when things got hard. Because that’s what you do, right?” She swallowed back the tears collecting in the corner of her eyes. “You sabotage any shot you have at happiness because you’re scared… you’re scared of never being good enough, of being abandoned again.”
Anger lashed at my insides. “You don’t have any idea what you’re—”
“Please! Spare me the sob story,” she heaved a ragged breath, “I spent years, years begging for scraps of attention from my mom, doing anything I could to make her notice me, to care. I watched her do despicable things for her next hit, listened to her…”
A shudder ripped through her. “I spent years thinking I wasn’t good enough.” Her eyes narrowed, the sparkle dimming until she stared at me with cool indifference. “I let you in. I let you in because I thought we were the same. I thought we could face our fears…. together.” She cut me with a scathing look. “I guess I was wrong.”
“It’s for the best,” I choked out, even though every word felt wrong.
I’d been so certain Bryan finding us was a sign, a sign to put an end to this fantasy.
“Well then.” Peyton dried her eyes. “I’ll see myself out.” She stormed toward the door while I just stood there.
This was the right thing, the only decision.
So why did it feel like my chest was cracking in two?
Because you care. You care, you fucking idiot.
