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I grabbed a bowl of chips and a soda and made my way over to the sectional on the opposite side of the room, leaving Lily to reassure her sister that she could be around Kaiden without kissing his face off.
She obviously underestimated just how much PDA they engaged in, but none of us minded, not really. Lily had spent too long living in the shadows. It was nice to finally see her step out of her shell and live.
It was kind of ironic that while she’d found herself, I’d lost myself.
A few minutes later, the doorbell rang, and voices filled the hall.
“Myers, make room,” Bryan appeared in the door, grinning. Rolling my eyes, I budged over and he dove for the couch. The others filtered in behind him. Usually, their laughter was infectious, but this time it did little to ease the gnawing pit in my stomach.
“Hey,” Bryan nudged me, “you okay?”
He’d asked me the same thing, the morning at the hotel. I could read between the lines—he wanted to know why I didn’t join their little party. But I’d told him then what I told him now.
“I’m fine.”
Even though I wasn’t fine.
Not even a little bit.
* * *
The second everyone left,and Lily and Poppy headed for bed, I pulled on my hoodie and sneakers, and slipped out of the house in the cover of darkness. It had been a struggle, pretending to smile and laugh and just be with them. I’d always hated being alone. It reminded me of being locked in my bedroom while my mom entertained her male friends and then got as high as a kite.
I shut the thoughts away as I made my way down to the river. The second it came into view, I saw him, lying in the same spot where I’d found him the other night. Part of me knew I should turn around and leave, but I guess I was all out of rational thoughts where Xander was concerned, because my legs carried me toward him.
“Peyton?” he gazed up at me, brows knitted with confusion. “Are you really here?”
“What?” I frowned, then it hit me. He was drunk. “I can go.” Turning on my heel, I went to leave, but his voice gave me pause.
“Wait.”
“Yeah?” I glanced back.
Xander pushed up on his elbows, studying me. “Why are you here?”
“The same reason you are,” I whispered.
He nodded, patting the space beside him. I wanted to believe he was extending an olive branch after last night, but he was drunk. He probably didn’t know what the hell he was doing.
My stomach sank, but I still sat down beside him. I couldn’t help myself.
“I went to a bar tonight.” He lay back down, staring up at the inky night sky. “There was this blonde woman…”
“I’m not sure—”
“I didn’t do anything. But she reminded me of you. Fuck, why did she remind me of you?”
“I-I don’t know,” I breathed, my heart squeezing at his words.
I lay down too, looking right at him. His eyes were closed, his brows drawn tight, and jaw clenched.
“Xander?”
“Yeah?” His eyes fluttered open as he turned to look at me.
The air turned thick around us. The strange tether between us pulling taut. I wondered if he felt it. If he did, he didn’t say anything. He just stared at me. Through me.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked.
