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“It’s okay,” I said, trying to get a hold of my emotions.
My skin felt too tight, my chest constricted. Could Lily’s dad see the change in me? Hear the rapid beat of my heart in my chest? Could he see the stain in my cheeks, no matter how hard I tried to silently will myself not to blush?
“I know it hasn’t been easy for you, Peyton, and I know I’m not very good at this kind of thing, but it’s important to me that you know I’m here, okay?”
“Thank you.” I swallowed over the giant lump in my throat. “I’ll be forever grateful to you and Felicity.”
“We know it’s going to take time for you to heal, but we’re here for you. Every step of the way.”
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. “I should probably get to class.”
“Of course.” He smiled. “And you come straight to me if Sean Farrow causes you any more issues. I’ll be having a firm word with him and Bryan. I suspect Principal Kiln will also want to talk to them, but I’ll do my best to keep your name out of it.”
“Thank you.” I stood, smoothing my hair from my face. “I’ll see you later.”
“You will. And Peyton?” he said as I reached the door. I glanced back. “You’re too good for a guy like Sean Farrow.”
I walked out of there with shame on my heels.
If only he knew.
* * *
I didn’t go backto class, not after everything. Instead, I slipped around the side of the gym and hid in the shadows. The building kissed the tree line bordering this side of the school. Kids came around here all the time at recess to smoke, but it was empty right now.
Pressing my head against the brick, I inhaled a breath, shuddering at the icy-cold air flooding my lungs.
Everything was such a mess.
I shouldn’t have gone with Sean Saturday night. Although I knew I didn’t deserve his cruel words, I also knew that I was partly to blame for giving him false hope. I’d told him I wasn’t interested, but it hadn’t stopped me from drinking with him, dancing and laughing. But I’d just wanted to feel something other than the gnawing numbness I felt every second of every minute.
Sometimes it wasn’t numbness at all. Sometimes it was pain so deep, so vast, that it felt like the only way to get rid of it would be to slice open my chest and bleed out.
I’d gone with Sean to feel something else, to lose myself in the noisy crowd and cheap liquor. I’d gone because the thought of going back to the Ford’s alone was so terrifying, partying with Sean had seemed like a better option. Even when deep down, I knew it was a terrible idea. I’d created this mess… and now I had to deal with the consequences.
“Peyton?” My head whipped up to find Xander standing there.
“What do you want?” It came out sharp.
“What happened?”
“Why do you care?”
His stare was aching. “Come on. That’s not… Shit, do you know what I even risk being out here?”
“So why are you here?” I glared at him, my body trembling with rage and frustration.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay. I heard there was a fight…”
“I’m fine. You should go.”
“Yeah.” But Xander made no move to leave. We stared at one another, locked in some silent battle of the wills.
“I can’t do this,” I said, shoving past him. Tears threatened to burst free as I grappled with my emotion. But I completely froze when a hand brushed mine.
Xander’s hand.
My breath caught as I dropped my gaze to where his hand lay against mine. But I was too confused, too weary, to try to decipher what it meant. His mixed signals were giving me whiplash.
So without another word, I walked away from him…
And I didn’t look back.
