Page 43 of Reckless Hands


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I message him. I need to know why he walked out like that.

Where are you?

I wait, but it isn’t until I’m in the Uber that I see the dots indicating he’s writing back to me.

And now I’m pissed.

So mad.

I gave up something good for him. I felt good with Becca, and it’s been an extremely long time since someone has made me feel that happy. Maybe it was stupid of me to end things with Becca.

Dammit! I should have just run away with her.

Busy.

How dare you just leave me there on the bed. I know you enjoyed it.

I add a few angry face emojis and throw my phone into my bag. When the Uber pulls up to my place, I get out and hear the phone ringing. I ignore it, not even caring who it could be, and head inside.

It wasn’t me you were thinking about when you touched yourself.

I read his message and guilt slams into me. He’s right.

It wasn’t him I thought about.

SEVENTEEN

JOEY

I wore pink socks, but do you think she even noticed? No.

The funny part is that she acts like I wanted to marry her, that it was my choice. I didn’t want to fucking marry her. I’d rather never fucking marry a single soul in my fucking life than to have married her.

I like women—women to fuck, women to kiss.

Beyond that, why the fuck do I need a woman when I can do everything else my fucking self. She gets on my last nerve, and she clearly doesn’t want to be around me. And it wasn’t me she was thinking about when she held her hands to her pussy.

Does she even like men?

She wants her, and I’m just in the way.

If I could change our situation, I would in a heartbeat. I find her attractive, fuckable. There is no fucking point in lying about that. But why would I choose to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me? I can have my choice of women, and she isn’t even someone I would pick willingly, normally. That’s the most fucked-up part about this whole situation, the woman isn’t even my type. And yet, when she dropped her dress and lay on that bed, I looked through the one-way mirror and wanted her.

I wanted my name to leave those fucking lips as she got off, but when I walked into that room it wasn’t my name she screamed. That’s what made me turn and walk the fuck out of there. She had called out hers.

“What are you doing here?” I don’t turn around and don’t even fucking bother answering. What’s the point? “Joey.” I put the drink to my lips and drain the last of the bottle before smashing it as hard as I can. The glass is all over my hands, and it’s all over the fucking floor. I stand and turn around to face my brother. He’s still dressed in the same outfit from my… fucking… wedding. I want to laugh at how ironic it is, and I’m pretty sure a small chuckle does slip from my lips.

“Do you ever think how fucking ironic it is that you avoided this fucking bullshit of arranged marriages, and I’m the one who’s stuck in one? It’s always the fucking way, isn’t it?”

Keir doesn’t say a word at first, he simply looks at me. His silence is usually not a good sign, but right now, I don’t give two shits. I’m the one who has to live in the situation while he gets to go to bed every fucking night with the woman he chose, a woman who wants him, not to a motherfucking whore who fucked someone else the night we saw each other again for the first time.

“Joey, take a fucking breath and go and get some fucking sleep.”

Now I laugh, and even to my ears it sounds manic. Pushing straight by him, my shoulder knocking his, I head to the kitchen. Opening the cabinets, I grab another fucking bottle. He wants me to leave? Well, tough shit for fucking him! He can’t have everything he wants, can he? Oh, for fuck’s sake, that’s right, he can and he has.

“If you weren’t my brother…” I wave my hand in the air, “… and my fucking boss, I’d shoot you right between the fucking eyes.” I make a fake gun and point it at him before I reach for the bottle. He’s quick, though, not having drunk as much as me, snatching it from my hand. The minute he does, I grab the closest knife and put it to his neck. He doesn’t even flinch, but why would he? I’m his fucking brother, but he should know better because we’ve killed for less in this family. Fuck, we killed my cousin for disobeying a simple order.

“I suggest you put that knife down,” he says it in a calm voice. I am in his house after all.

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