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Once we’re in Payton’s truck, he cranks it, then meets my eyes.
“Just because you don’t have what you want right now doesn’t mean you’ll never have it,” he reminds me, just as he has several times before.
Frowning, I nod. “I know. Patience isn’t my strong suit.”
He places his hand on top of mine as we back out of the driveway and make our way home. “No, but you’re strong and resilient, Kate.”
“I wish I was stronger. This might actually break me,” I admit, my voice cracking.
He pulls onto the main road and takes his time driving.
“There was a point in my life when I thought I was broken, too. But the reality is, we have both lived through a hundred percent of our worst days.”
“That’s true. Never thought of it that way.”
“I planned a future with my ex, hoping to start a family with my wife, and even after she tore it apart, I know now that just because I didn’t get it with her doesn’t mean I won’t ever have it. But for years, I thought that was my reality. Years. I was hell-bent on accepting it, too.”
I stay quiet, allowing the rumble of the engine to soothe me as I listen.
“What changed?” I ask.
“My life and everything that I’d known had fallen apart in a matter of weeks. I dreamed about coming home every evening to my wife and kids, and growing old together. Talkin’ about our days over dinner and spending the evening relaxing or playing. I craved the consistency and family atmosphere. It was something I never really had after my dad died.”
I glance at him, hearing the crack in his voice.
“Yes, I know I don’t have those things now either,” he clarifies as if he’s reading my mind. “And maybe I don’t have a wife, Kate, and perhaps I never will. But I have you. That makes me just as happy.”
His words have my face splitting in half. “You’ll always have me.” I can’t imagine my life without him in it, and even if we don’t have a baby together, I hope nothing changes between us.
“And you’ll always have me, too.”
A million different sentences build in my head, but not a word comes out when I open my mouth. After he parks and we walk inside the house, his words play on repeat in my mind.
“What’re you thinkin’?” He plops down next to me on the couch, and we’re so close that I can feel the warmth of his body.
“Nothin’,” I lie, though I’m wondering how things would change between us when he does want to start dating and putting himself out there. The last thing I’d ever want to do is get in his way or hurt his chances of having a partner. Any woman would be lucky to have him as a husband.
Payton turns and tucks loose strands of hair behind my ear. His intense gaze burns my skin, but I welcome it. I swallow hard, studying his mouth, wanting to feel his scruff trail along my face and thighs. Being with him right now isn’t a want. It’s a goddamn need, a burning desire rooted so deeply that if I don’t have him, I might lose my mind.
He licks his lips as I hold his gaze, and we hold a silent conversation. Then he stands, takes my hand, and leads me to his bedroom. Payton slowly brushes my hair over one shoulder and carefully undresses me as if he wants to memorize every bare inch.
I lie back on the bed as he removes his shirt, giving me the perfect view of his washboard abs. As we watch each other, he kicks off his boots and strips down.
I widen my legs as he kneels on the bed, climbing over me and settling between my thighs. Though we’ve been fucking like rebellious teenagers, it feels different this time when he intimately slides between my folds. I gasp, sucking in air as he fills me deep and full. His slow rhythm and calculated movements are intentional as he traces around the shell of my ear with his tongue. With each thrust, my heart thumps harder.
I’ve read that when you have sex with someone you have feelings for, your body releases a hormone that helps the chances of getting pregnant. I can’t help but wonder if that’s what we’ve been missing—intimacy.
It’s something we both need and crave. A connection we could never have with anyone else.
Payton groans and hisses as he pumps harder, slamming into my G-spot over and over. I get lost in the sensations as they build toward the peak. His expression is unreadable as I scratch my nails down his back. The sound that releases from the back of his throat is rough and animalistic.
Wanting to ride him, I gesture for us to switch positions. As soon as I straddle his legs, I slowly slide down his thick cock, and we moan together. He reaches up to my breast and pinches a nipple, encouraging me to arch into him. Then I grab his wrists and force them over his head. As I lean down, our mouths are mere centimeters apart, and our breathing is unsteady when I rotate my hips. I don’t know what comes over me, but I want nothing more than to crash my lips to his.
Once I release his wrists, he grabs a fistful of my hair, and I imagine his tongue inside my mouth. He smacks my backside as I focus on my breathing and not crossing the lines. He palms my ass cheek, squeezing it in his hand and grinding us faster together. The sensations are almost too much, too intimate, too everything.
This feels like more—more than just making a baby, more than just friends, more than being roommates.
An undeniable emotion is attached to every touch as goose bumps trail over my body. While I have a million thoughts running through my mind, I don’t give a shit about anything other than losing myself right now.
