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Ipark the truck at the farthest point we can go. We spent the majority of the second half of the drive in silence. Mostly because of my jackass comment about how I’d never stick around and I’d break her heart. Like she’s some lovesick puppy dog. If anything, that’s me, because I’m the one starved for her attention. But I meant what I said. Walking away from her will be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
“Okay, I packed your backpack for you. Your water is on the side of the bag. I’ve got the tent. We’re set.”
She nods.
We hike for a while until we can hear the falls crashing down on the rocks below. I’ve been to this waterfall numerous times, so I know this is nothing Mandi can’t handle.
The only problem is how quiet she is. I don’t like it.
After a mile, I stop us to sit on a rock and take a drink. “What’s wrong?”
She shakes her head, but I’m not going to spend the next two days here with her pissed at me and playing mute.
“Listen, I shouldn’t have said what I did.” I put the cap on my water and place it back in the pocket of my backpack.
“It’s the truth though, isn’t it?” She looks around at the landscape, at anything but me.
I take out my ponytail and run my hands through my hair to secure it back again. “Well yeah, but—”
She stands. “It’s fine, Noah. I get that you probably think I’m sitting here heartbroken, but I’m not. I know the score between us. Let’s just get where we need to.” She walks back over to the path, and I follow her.
“I like you, Mandi,” I continue, knowing I should let it go, but I wanted to bring her here to have fun. To hear her laugh echo through the open space, to be alone with her.
“I like you too, Noah. And like you said, we can be great friends.” The sarcasm in her voice is thicker than pudding.
“You’re upset.”
She stops for a second and whips around to face me. “I’m not upset, okay? Well, no, I am upset, but only because you keep making these comments about what a great person I am. And bringing up the sexual tension between us. Picking me up fireman style and carrying me out of the inn. You’re sending mixed signals all over the place.”
I stare at her, my chest heaving for a breath, and something in me snaps. “What do you wanna hear? You wanna hear how much I fucking want you? All the time? That not a minute goes by when I’m with you that I don’t think of something sexual? But I owe you more than that. I owe you everything if this plan works. And I won’t hurt you.”
“You seem to think I’m so fragile.” She throws up her arms. “If you think because of my size I’m some virgin who can’t get a man, think again. I’ve had plenty of experience in my lifetime and there will be men after you.”
She circles back around, but I grab her elbow and twist her back to face me. Then I step forward.
“Because of your size? Damn it, Mandi, when have I ever made you feel like I judge you about your size? You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I think I’ve made that pretty clear. If you knew how many times I’m having to think of things like dead puppies and my grandma having sex just so I don’t get a hard-on around you, you’d believe me. I don’t think of you as some virgin who’s never had a man and is grateful for my attention. And the fact that there will be someone after me pisses me the fuck off. Because I wanna be the man. I wanna be the man who can live in a small town with you, raise babies, and sit on a porch watching our grandchildren play. A man who is okay with a simple life, who doesn’t thirst for adventure. I wish so badly I was him, you have no idea.”
She blows out a breath and stares at me, her eyes full of some emotion I can’t pinpoint. “I never want you to be anybody but who you are.”
“But I do wish I was different because I don’t want to say goodbye to you.” I raise my hand and cradle her cheek, my thumb brushing over her lips. “I want to kiss these lips whenever I want. I want you to be mine to touch whenever the mood strikes. I want to know you’re mine to be inside of every night.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Her words and her body aren’t on the same page. I know because her eyes are begging me to take her.
“I just want you to know where I am with this. That I’m trying to be an upstanding guy here, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you. I’m sorry if it feels like mixed signals.” I run my thumb over her bottom lip again, knowing I need to pull my hand away.
She steps back and shutters her emotions. I can’t get a read on her anymore. “Let’s get to the campsite. I’d hate for you to have to put up the tent in the dark.”
Circling around, she starts walking and I watch her for a moment before joining her. I’m not sure how much longer my willpower will stay intact. I’m trying desperately to do the right thing, the smart thing, but it feels as if everything will come to a head soon.
Forty minutes later, we make it to the area where I plan to set up camp at the bottom of the falls.
“We’re going to stay here?” Mandi asks. “Don’t bears go to the river to catch fish?”
I chuckle at her concern. “Yes, but there are bears everywhere. I need to capture a picture right when the sun is lowest.”
I drop my backpack, then unpack the tent and put it together.
“I’m not sure about this. Should I have written a goodbye letter to my family? Crap, I don’t even have a will. Who will get the inn?”
