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Five
Iris woke from a fitful sleep. Once she had returned to her bedchamber, she had not been able to read. It didn’t help that the book she randomly grabbed was a treatise on the best farming techniques. Dry and boring didn’t accurately describe how horrid it had been to even skim over. It definitely wasn’t something she would have chosen if she had bothered to look at the tome before slipping it off the shelf, then running with it in her hand after Lord Hampstead—Daniel, had kissed her.
She brought her fingers up to her lips. If she concentrated, she could almost feel his lips touching hers again. Iris felt...branded. As if his kiss was permanently etched on her lips and if any other man dared to do the same, she would not enjoy it. What was she going to do? He had made it clear a year ago that he didn’t want her. Why would he kiss her now?
His excuse that he was weak was just that, an excuse. Iris didn’t believe him. If he had wanted to control himself, he would have. She was not the alluring temptation that he made her out to be. Iris was far from a seductress, and she certainly didn’t have the skills one would need to be that enticing.
She snorted. Perhaps she should practice her come-hither looks on him and see what happened. What exactly was a come-hither look? Iris laughed and got out of bed. She stared at herself in the looking glass and frowned. No, she didn’t look any different. After a few moments of attempting to look seductive, she gave up. It was a useless endeavor. She didn’t have that type of appeal.
Iris rang the bell on her bedside. She would need her maid to help her dress for the day. Mary had been both her and Violet’s maid before her sister had married. Mary had opted to stay with her, and Violet found a new maid. One that understood Violet’s new station as a marchioness. If Iris ever married, Mary would go with her instead.
Mary strolled into the room. “Good morning,” she greeted her. “How are you feeling this morning?”
Iris had rested after tea, but had managed to attend the evening meal. Though she had only picked at her food. She had no appetite, but now her stomach grumbled in protest. “I’m famished,” she admitted wryly. “Help me dress so I can go down to breakfast.”
Her maid smiled. “It’s good you have your appetite back. You cannot afford to lose any weight. We wouldn’t want you to wither away to nothing.”
“I doubt that is likely to happen.” She wasn’t frail to begin with. Iris had nice curves and a narrow waist. Her bosom wasn’t large, but she thought it was all right. Daniel’s eyes had traveled over it, at least. He seemed to like it...
She shook that thought away. Iris would not dwell on thoughts of the earl. The scoundrel would only take advantage of her weakness. She would go down to breakfast, and if he was there, she would ignore him. That man did not deserve her attention. Even if she wanted to beg him to kiss her again.
“As long as you eat it, won’t,” Mary agreed. “Sit so we can fix your hair.” She studied Iris’s blonde locks. “What did you do to it last night? It’s a mess.”
Iris sat at the vanity, then shrugged. “I cannot say for certain. The bed didn’t like me much last night.”
Mary frowned and started to unravel the tangled strands of Iris’s hair. It didn’t take long for Mary to smooth her locks out and then pin them on top of her head in a chignon. Some curls were left loose to frame her face. “There,” Mary said. “Now that is done, what gown would you like to wear today?”
Iris took the time to consider Mary’s question. She couldn’t recall all the gowns that her maid had packed in Violet’s order. Since she hadn’t been given a choice to attend this house party and therefore hadn’t taken part in planning for it. However, she had noticed the gowns that Mary had unpacked and removed the wrinkled from after they had arrived. “Perhaps the gold one?”
“The one with the lace trim around the bodice and the long sleeves?” Mary asked.
“Yes,” Iris confirmed. It was a pretty gown, and she hadn’t worn it yet. It seemed like a good day to wear it. Perhaps a certain earl would find it appealing, too. She hated he came to mind first, always in her mind. Nothing seemed to erase him from her thoughts, though.
Mary nodded. “I’ll retrieve it, but first let’s get your stays tied.”
Iris held on to the bedpost as Mary pulled the strings on her stays. Once they were as tight as they would go, Mary tied them in place. After that, it went much smoother finishing her morning routine. “You’re lovely,” Mary said. “One day a fine gentleman will steal your heart and you’ll start down the path your life is meant to take.”
“And if I never marry?” She lifted a brow. “Can I not find happiness without a man?”
“Perhaps,” Mary conceded. “If we lived in a different time or place, such a thing would be possible. Our lives are tied to the dictates of men.”
“And how sad is that...” Iris couldn’t argue with her maid’s assertion. She had to first live under her father’s thumb, and after that, her husband’s. Because she was female, she had no actual choices. Some were given to her under the guise of giving her options, but they weren’t anything real. If she was lucky enough, she’d marry a man that trusted her enough to make her own decisions. That was something quite rare, though. Violet had a good marriage, and so did Francesca, but she couldn’t help wondering how much freedom their husbands allowed them.
“I suppose it is time for me to go down to breakfast,” Iris said. Her appetite was dwindling now that she started to think about the future. “Thank you, Mary.”
“Enjoy your day, Lady Iris,” she said. “Ring for me if you need anything. I’ll see to straightening your bedchamber now.”
Iris nodded and then left the room. She made her way down the stairs and turned down the hallway that would lead to the breakfast room. Part of her hoped Daniel would be there, and the other part of her hoped he was still sleeping or otherwise occupied. Her heart was so perverse. It both wanted to see him and not see him at the same time.
His cruel words had left her with a shattered heart that had been scattered in the snow like broken shards of glass. Too fine and sharp to pick up and put back together. Now he acted as if he wanted her. Like breathing without her was too difficult. As if she alone could prevent him from gasping his last breath. It was too much. The emotions inside of her had to pick a side. She either wanted him, or she didn’t. Otherwise, she wouldn’t survive with what was left of her broken heart by the end of this house party.
She reached the door to the breakfast room and froze. Daniel stood outside of the room, about to open up the door. He glanced up at her and just stared. He seemed as unable to move as her. What were they going to do now?
* * *
“Lady Iris,”Daniel said in greeting. “I trust you’re well this morning.”
She kept staring at him as if he were a bug she wanted to crush under her boot. Daniel couldn’t blame her. He should not have kissed her in the library. He had lost all sense and given in to the need crawling through him. Somehow, he would have to make things right with her, but he did not know how to even begin doing that.
