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She studied him for a moment, and then nodded. “You do love her, don’t you?”
Jonah didn’t confirm or deny anything. That admission should only be confessed to one woman. He just stared at her and waited for her to continue.
Her lips twitched. “Keeping your feelings close to the vest are you.” She laughed. “I understand. I don’t need you to tell me what I already know.”
“If that is true why bother asking?” He lifted a brow. “What do you hope to gain?” Lady Dryden was known for her mercenary outlook—she wanted far more than she ever gave.
“In this?” She laughed again. “Nothing. Consider it my good deed for…well the only one I’m likely to do in my lifetime.” She leaned a little closer and said in a husky tone, “We could have been good together.”
“No, we wouldn’t have been.” The little time he’d spent with her had been a mistake. “Now say what you were alluding to or I’m walking away.”
She blew out an exasperated breath. “Have it your way. Your type usually does…” Lady Dryden shook her head. “She loves you too. If you’re hoping for some time alone with her you can have it now. I left her alone in the ladies’ retiring room. She probably will leave soon.”
That’s why he couldn’t find her. Jonah could kiss Lady Dryden…if it wouldn’t give her an unwanted idea that is. “Thank you.” He nodded at her and then left her alone. He didn’t want to continue a conversation that would go nowhere and he might lose his chance with Callie.
He entered the house and went straight to where the ladies’ retiring room had been set up. As luck would have it Callie was exiting as he reached the door. She paused when she noticed his approach. She glanced back at the door as if she was going to rush back inside to avoid him. Jonah wouldn’t allow that to happen. He had to speak to her. To make her understand…it was time to tell her the truth about his dark past. After she knew everything, and if she still wanted him or wished to walk away… He’d respect whatever decision she made.
He rushed to her side and slipped his arm around hers. “Come with me,” he insisted. To his surprise she didn’t fight him. He led her to the library. No one was to be in that part of the house and it seemed a safe enough place for them to have this conversation. Once inside he shut the door and clicked the lock in place. He wouldn’t take any chance of someone interrupting him.
“Was that necessary?” she asked, gesturing toward the lock.
“Absolutely,” he insisted. “Please sit. I need to tell you…” He swallowed hard. “Please sit,” he repeated. This was going to be far more difficult than he’d anticipated.
She studied him a moment, then sat on the nearby settee. He wanted to join her but he couldn’t. Not yet. If he had any hope of seeing this through he needed the space to move. He pressed his palm over his mouth as he considered what to say. How did one tell the woman he loved that he was a cursed fool? He dropped his hand to his side and stepped over to her. “I didn’t have a good childhood.” He laughed nervously. “That’s not the entire truth. I mean it is, but it is stating something that doesn’t quite convey the terror I experienced daily.”
“My lord,” she started to stand.
He gestured for her to remain where she was. “No. I can’t finish this if you come closer.” Jonah closed his eyes and took several fortifying breaths. “And please, call me by my given name. You gave me permission to use yours and I should have done the same.” He tried to smile but it was difficult. “Call me Jonah.”
She nodded. “All right, Jonah. I’ll try to be patient. Tell me what you need me to know.” Callie folded her hands in her lap and sat back to wait.
“My mother died when I was a boy.” He could still see her in the back of his mind. “She was so beautiful and she loved me. Her love was so wonderful and all encompassing.” Jonah met Callie’s gaze. “When she died my whole world changed and I’ve always blamed myself for her death.”
“You were a boy,” Callie said. “I’m sorry I can’t stay quiet. How could you have possibly been at fault?”
“I wanted to go outside and play,” he said. “I loved being outdoors and I had been learning to ride. She told me I couldn’t go and spoiled child that I was I told her I hated her and ran to the nursery.” His heart beat heavily in my chest. “She started to follow me but lost her balance and fell now the grand staircase. Her neck snapped” His emotions were overwhelming him. The lump in his throat was making it hard for him to speak, but somehow he managed. “She never had a chance.”
“That is an unfortunate accident. I’m sorry but you cannot blame yourself.” Her voice was firm as she spoke. Jonah wished he could believe her. He couldn’t. He knew the truth.
“My father loved her and when she died a part of him died too.” He looked away from her. “He blamedmemore thanIblamed myself. He started drinking heavily and was inebriated far more than not.”
“Grief can be difficult…”
“We were all grieving,” Jonah said. “My father more than most. He drank himself into a grave. He went riding and his horse threw him.” Jonah laughed, but it wasn’t one sprouted from joy, but more on the maniacal side. “Ironically he snapped his neck too.” Finally he faced her again. “I’m cursed don’t you see. My soul is black and that is why I should remain alone.”
“Icannotagree with you,” she said. Her lips were pursed together and her eyebrows furrowed in displeasure. “Iwon’t.”
“I never wanted to feel the way I do for you,” he began. “I tried to push you away. I needed to save you from me. If something happened to you…”
“It wouldn’t be your fault,” she said. “You cannot deny yourself happiness because you’re afraid to live.” Callie stood and strode over to him, then wrapped her arms around his waist. “Let yourself have love. No one knows what his or her future is. If we did imagine how little we would actually do? We might never venture outside.”
“I know…” He sighed. “I’ve had a lot to think about and it is time that I let go of my past.” Jonah cupped her cheek in his palm. “It won’t be easy, but you give me courage. I love you. I think I always have.”
She smiled. “You cannot pinpoint the moment you realized it?” Her lips twitched.
“No,” he said. “It matters not. What does is that I intend to love you for the rest of my days, for as many as I’m given. If you’ll have me that is.” He lifted her palm to his lips and pressed a kiss there. “Callie, darling, will you be my wife?”
A tear fell down her cheek. He wiped it away. He hated to see her cry for any reason and he hoped he hadn’t caused he any pain. “I do love you,” she said. “Even through all your false charm. I could see beneath it, and yes, I will marry you.”
He leaned down and kissed her quick. “Good,” he said. “Because convincing your brother that a marriage between us will work might be one of the hardest tasks I may ever have to accomplish.”
Callie laughed and leaned her head against his chest. “Jonah, my love, I have faith you will complete an undertaking that challenging with ease.”
He took in a harsh breath. His emotions were still raw, but he had never felt better in his life. Callie loved him, and his heart belonged to her. They would find happiness for as long as life allowed them to remain at each other’s side.
