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Three
Jonah stared at the dance floor and the sea of dancers twirling about. If he were a lady they would consider him a wallflower. One that hid in the shadows and watched as others socialized, danced, and interacted with each other. Sometimes he enjoyed standing on the edge of society and studying the people around them. He often wondered why some people acted certain ways or decided to say or do something.
Most of the time though, he’d much rather be alone. Except for his four close friends he had no use for anyone else. The upper echelons of society had never done anything for him. If he had not been born the son of a lord, he wouldn’t be accepted. Especially if they realized how dark his thoughts were at times. Jonah hated himself and his life. He didn’t deserve happiness and he definitely wouldn’t know what do with such a fleeting emotion if it were suddenly offered to him.
He glanced back at the dance floor. Lady Calliope Andrews was dancing with the Duke of Carrington. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides. A part of him wanted to storm across the room and pull her away from him. He didn’t give into that urge though. She deserved far better than the likes of Jonah. He had to keep his distance from her. Lady Calliope was a weakness he couldn’t allow himself to give in to. He couldn’t have her. Somehow he would have to resign himself to watching other gentlemen court her. Even if it killed something inside of him, and he had to allow the likes of the Duke of Carrington to claim her.
He shook that thought away and stepped away from the dance floor. Jonah should go to the card room or at least attempt to do something sociable. He didn’t do any of that. Instead he found the nearest exit and went out into the darkness. Once he was alone he blew out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.
“Imagine finding you out here,” a man said from behind him.
Jonah turned toward the sound of the man’s voice. He was engulfed in darkness. Not even the light from the moon outlined his features. This particular balcony was only used by the family... It didn’t matter though. He knew who the man was. “I could say the same for you.” He smiled though he doubted his friend could see him. “Don’t you have a wife that will be missing you?”
The Earl of Winchester stepped out of the shadows. “Adeline is with her cousin. They were discussing their extended family when I left them.”
Winchester had met his wife at a Christmas house party a couple years ago. They had all been at that house party. None of them had wanted to be there. They had attended to support Winchester. The lady Winchester ended up marrying was the daughter of the Duke of Whitewood. The man who had been tasked with overseeing Winchester’s properties. Winchester had not planned on falling in love with the duke’s daughter. Like the rest of Jonah’s friends, he’d fallen hard.
“Why are you here?” Jonah asked.
“Here as in the party or this particular balcony?” Winchester’s voice held a hint of amusement in it as he spoke.
“Both?” Jonah said. He didn’t really care for the answer either way. It had just seemed like something to say. When he had come outside he had hoped to be alone, but he didn’t mind Winchester’s company.
“Adeline decided we need to socialize more and she likes Lady Calliope.” Winchester came to stand beside him. “As to the balcony…I thought I’d be alone. I should have known better.”
Jonah chuckled. It was the first time that night he actually felt anything resembling amusement. “I can’t stand balls.”
“There was a time when you wouldn’t have caught any of us at one of these functions.” There were five of them in total. All had led a scandalous life that most gentlemen wouldn’t embark upon. “And yet here we all are. Even you and you do not have a wife to convince you to attend.”
“And I certainly am not in the market for one either.” Jonah shuddered. He’d only make a woman miserable. No lady should be so unlucky as to be attached to him.
“You say that now…” Winchester sighed. “I’m not going to convince you that marriage isn’t as bad as we all thought. You will have to figure that part out on your own.”
“So far I still think you all have lost some of that good sense you used to have.” Jonah couldn’t believe that his four friends had not only married, but fell in love. “But I won’t condemn you for the loss.”
“Good of you to allow us our idiosyncrasies.” Winchester’s bark of laughter echoed around them. He clapped his hand onto Jonah’s shoulder. “Love is not a bad thing. If you allow yourself to feel it, to accept it, it might heal some of those gaping wounds you carry around like some sort of badge of honor.”
There was no honor in them. They were more like a curse he could not shake. “That may be true,” he agreed. More out of expediency than any real belief in the statement. It was oftentimes better to agree with someone than argue a point. Winchester had fallen in love; therefore, he believed in the curative properties it had brought him. His friend wouldn’t be able to understand why Jonah didn’t believe he could find the same outcome. It saved time and kept the peace to keep his own counsel on the subject. “But I am not going to throw myself at a woman’s mercy and beg her to help me with my demons.”
“At least consider opening yourself up to the possibility of love and marriage,” Winchester said. “You might find yourself surprised. Otherwise why are you even here.”
“That part is easy,” Jonah replied in a casual tone. “Hampstead begged me to attend. I couldn’t say no.”
“That’s not true,” Winchester replied. “You could have, but because he’s a friend you agreed. I would have done the same.” He blew out a breath. “I’ll leave you to your ponderings. I’m going to find my wife. Just promise me you’ll think about what we discussed.”
“I can do that much,” Jonah told him. “But I’m not agreeing to court a woman or attempt to find love. That’s not in my future.”
Winchester laughed again. “We have all said that in the past. You don’t know what your future holds.”
With those words Winchester left Jonah alone. The darkness enveloped him, and he welcomed it like a comforting blanket. He felt free for the first time that night, and nothing else would compare to it until he was able to return to his home. There no one would try to convince him that he deserved love. He could be truly alone, and if not at peace, at least relaxed enough to let his guard down.
Callie neededsome time to herself. With a full dance card that was unlikely to happen though. She just needed a little bit of air and then she could continue on. As much as she was enjoying her debut ball, she was becoming overheated by all the dancing and close proximity to the guests. Perhaps she could sneak outdoors for a few moments to collect herself before her next dance.
Which was the waltz she had saved for Lord Goodland…
The viscount hadn’t yet appeared to claim his dance. She wasn’t certain how she felt about that fact. Was he avoiding her, the dance, or the ball in its entirety? She might never know the answer to that question. Callie wasn’t even certain she wanted the answer because she might not like it.
She glanced around the ballroom searching for the viscount, but still could not locate him. Callie sighed and then turned to see if Iris was watching her. Her sister-in-law appeared to be lost in conversation with Lady Merrifield. Iris and Violet—Lady Merrifield—were fraternal twins and quite close. While they kept each other occupied Callie could escape the ballroom for some peace and a breath of air.
