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I guess the good thing is that after I get the port put in, I can wear actual pajamas and not the hospital gown. And they’ll move me out of the main hospital into an adjacent facility with a big room that overlooks the city. Just like at home. Only it will still be in a hospital.

I’m missing school and gymnastics practice. Nick tried to cheer me up earlier by saying that I’d gotten too tall for gymnastics anyway. I had grown a little in the last year, and some of the maneuvers weren’t as tight. Maybe I would’ve given it up soon, but I wish that I could’ve made that decision, not have it taken away from me like my stupid hair. Or where I am going to go to school after I’m discharged.

“I can’t believe you’d make me leave school and move to Switzerland.” I glare at my mother and then look pleadingly at my dad. He’s a softie, always trying to make Mom and me happy. Living with the two of us has taken a lot out of him, he likes to say. I love my mom, but we grate on each other’s nerves. Dad says it’s because we’re too much alike. I don’t think we’re anything alike. For instance, I would not make my daughter leave her only friends and take her to another country to get better.

No wonder they kicked Nate out. He would not be in favor of me moving away. Nick is my best friend, and Nate, well, I couldn’t leave him either. He is going away to college soon, and I want to enjoy him being around while I can—even if he is a jerk to me most of the time. I’ll miss Aunt Grace and Uncle Noah too.

“The transition would be easier for you. We’ll hire a tutor to go with us so you won’t get behind, and when we can, we’ll travel around Europe. It will be a big adventure for us.” Mom is using her Let me explain to you why Freedom Funds is the best hedge fund in the world voice. Irritating much?

“You can stop talking to me like I’m some prospective client. I’m not leaving North Prep. Last year sucked because I was a freshman, but I’m a sophomore now. I have status!”

“Don’t say suck,” Mom says automatically, without any real force behind it. She is too busying staring at Dad. They’ve developed this technique where they can communicate with each other just by looking. No words. I’ve seen Aunt Grace and Uncle Noah do it too. Sometimes the looks they exchange make me feel uncomfortable, like I’m seeing something private I shouldn’t be looking at. But it’s like the sun, and I can’t look away. I want to have that kind of connection. I’ve decided that’s the sign you’ve found your one true love.

It’s never worked with Nate. I tried it once when he started seeing Yolanda from school. Yolanda was a senior last year. Older girls have always had a thing for Nate. I don’t get it. Why don’t they stick with the guys in their own grade and leave Nate alone?

Yolanda was always touching him. I’d see her run her hands down the side of his arm or over his back or sometimes even around the waistband of his jeans. I thought it was disgusting how she pawed at him, and I glared at him one day trying to tell him silently how gross it was, but he just stared at Yolanda with a stupid grin on his face. So even if I thought Nate was my one true love, he doesn’t return my feelings. He’s too busy sleeping with all the seniors. Like Yolanda.

When Yolanda left for college, I was thrilled but her place was quickly taken by another senior girl. Plus there’s this girl who lives downstairs from us who’s in college, and she’s always looking at him like he’s a side of beef and she hasn’t eaten in a year. I haven’t seen Nate give her the stupid grin, so it seems safe to assume that they aren’t doing it. Yet. I asked Nick once if he thought his brother was hooking up with the girl downstairs, and Nick gave me this weird look and told me that he wasn’t going to talk about stuff like that with me.

Dad clears his throat, and I do a mental fist pump. That Dad is talking and not Mom means I won this round. “We’ll take it a day at a time. If North Prep gets too much for you, the Switzerland idea is still available.”

Mom leans over and gives me a kiss on my forehead. Her lips are trembling like she is trying not to cry, and I just don’t understand what she is so upset about. How could North Prep be too much for me? All my friends go to North Prep. Nothing bad could happen to me there.

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