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As I sink into my work, a text message alert sounds. I read the bubble before I register the name.
I’ve spent nine years running from you and your sweetness. Biggest mistake of my life. If it takes nine more years to convince you that I’m worth a second chance, I’ll consider those nine years well spent. I will do whatever it takes to get you back. Fair warning.
My heart stutters and may even briefly stop. I call Colin immediately because otherwise? I’d be driving to Nate’s base and throwing myself at his feet.
“Hey Charlie.”
I can hear traffic on the street. He must be going somewhere.
“Are you going surfing?”
“Are you following me?” he asks with laughing suspicion. My heartache eases a little bit hearing his voice.
“No, I guessed. It sounds like you’re driving, and since it’s fairly early in the morning, I thought you might be on the way to the beach to catch some waves.”
“You are a champion guesser because that’s exactly what I’m doing. In fact I’m pulling into the parking lot.” The traffic sounds dim as he exits the road and parks his vehicle in the quiet of the sandy beach. I’ve been with him a couple of times. I don’t surf, but I’m really great at lying under an umbrella reading a book while he catches waves.
“I’m in San Diego, and I’d love to visit you. I’m finishing up a project, and I thought I’d drive up,” I say.
“Actually I’d love an excuse to get out of LA right now,” he admits. He’s out of the car now. I hear the door open and close.
“Is it becoming stifling?” Colin flits from one flower to another, never settling. At one time, I thought he’d fallen in love. He’d called me and wanted me to come out and meet her, but before I could make the arrangements he had texted me that it was over and he was coming to Chicago to see me. It was during that visit he’d made his first pass at me.
“Yes, someone said the L word to me the other day. I want you to know that I didn’t jump up immediately and flee but waited until the next morning like a good boy.”
“Wow, so generous of you.”
“It took everything I had to stay. I literally was counting the seconds. If there is a purgatory, I deserve to reduce my time there based on last night alone.”
I laugh. “You’re incorrigible.”
“Incorrigible? Are you reading the dictionary?”
“Fuck you, Colin.”
“I’ve been trying to get in your pants for nearly a decade, so, yes, I accept this invitation.” When I don’t immediately lob back a joking refusal as is my habit, he strikes. “Charlie, are you actually giving me a green light?”
“You know that one girl you dated?” I duck his question.
He sighs. “Which one? There were so many.”
“The actress. Gen? I felt like she was the one for you.”
There are several beats of silence before Colin replies. “She broke my rule. The no publicity one. It’s the only one I have.”
“I know, honey.” I can still hear the hurt even though he tries to pretend he is over it. “How can you be sure though?”
“She admitted it.”
“Did she ever call you or try to reach out?”
“Who knows? I flew to Chicago to see you if you recall.”
“She seemed so real, so genuine. It’s hard to believe she leaked anything to the paps.”
“Why are we talking about this? Gen is old news.”
“I just wish one of us was happy.” Colin is a great guy, and it pains me that he was hurt so badly by a girl who’d seemed perfect for him.
“I thought you were happy, Charlotte? In fact, the last time I saw you I suggested we see how far our friendship could extend, and you replied that you didn’t want to ruin anything because you were happy the way things were. And now you’re not happy?” He sounds amused instead of angry.
“Happiness is an elusive emotion. Maybe we shouldn’t pursue it. Maybe the thing we should run after is contentment.” I rub my head because this whole conversation is giving me a headache.
“Why did you call me?” he asks softly. “Did something happen?”
Then what I’m doing hits me. I’m trying to use my dear friend Colin to chase away my need for Nathan. How could I behave like this? Colin doesn’t deserve this. No one does. I stiffen my spine. “I’m calling you because you are one of my oldest friends. I was feeling blue and needed to talk to someone I cared about. I wish we could love each other in a deeper, more physical way, but I think we both know that we’re better off friends than lovers.”
“I guess this means no, you’re not going to drive up and give me the night of my life.”
