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She stares back at me, panting. My lips are tingling from the touch of hers. I’m all at once terrified and fascinated! She nods. I crave her intimate touch, the warmth, the emotions, the physical pleasure… I bring my mouth back to Nia’s. This time I drop millions of tiny delicious pecks all across her mouth, lightly parting her lips. Then I lift my head again, but this time I don’t verbalize my interrogation. Just watch Nia, waiting for her ascent. She nods again. I’m lost in a wonderful maelstrom of satisfaction and yearning. I come back to her mouth and this time her soft, wet lips meet mine and we kiss, open-mouthed… At first it’s very tender, then we explore each other’s mouth more passionately. And finally… finally, I give her a brief swipe of my tongue. I can’t help but sigh deeply at the amazing sensation born in my mouth that spreads throughout my body and ignites a deep hunger in my core. Her lips, her tongue, all parts of her mouth I taste, feel so soft, taste so good… This kiss is unlike any I’ve experienced before. Even with Nia. It’s completely different from our stolen moments at work. Those were all passion and fire. This… this is tender, bittersweet. It almost feels like a goodbye. But I won’t be defeated that easily.
“That I can work with,” I let out.
“What? Josh, no: I’m not trying to get you to convince me! Listen and understand: this will not work. Whether because you’re an asshole in disguise or I’m going to be the one sabotaging it! I am never attracted to good men!” I raise a challenging eyebrow and Nia backtracks: “OK, that’s not what I meant: even good guys end up walking all over me, disrespecting me, using me… I don’t handle attachment well, Josh. I give too much, lose myself…”
“Nia, I have played the field since I was a teen, had my fair share of girlfriends and hookups, but I never cheated, lied, or consciously mistreated a girl. Straight up: I want to date you, not just fuck you, and leave. Anyway, that wouldn’t be practical,” I add wistfully. I look her straight in the eye, my expression fierce: “I’d need to fuck you way more than once.”
Nia gasps, shaking her head slowly: “you can’t say shit like that, Josh…”
“Just did, babe,” I respond softly, running my fingers through her hair and bringing my face closer for a kiss on her forehead… tender, sweet.
“Will you please drive me home?” Nia asks.
And she sounds exhausted by all the events and emotions of the night.
“Will you please let me take you out again?” I retort.
She hesitates for a beat before breathing out: “please take me home, Josh”.
I sigh, throw her one last longing look, set a strand of her beautiful curly hair behind her ear, then start the car.
Nia
‘You’re a fucking coward, Nia Farrow,’I repeat to myself for the hundredth time since my date with Josh.
I’m sitting on my bedroom windowsill, eyes lost into the starry night, comfy in my flannel pajamas, a warm mug of tea in hand. Tonight’s New Year’s Eve. And instead of being out at some party or traveling back East to spend the holiday with my family, I’m here. Alone. Pondering on my life, my choices. The same questions keep bouncing in my head. Give this a shot? Open my heart to a man and take a chance on a situation that’s already complicated? Josh must think I’m braver than I am!
But what if? What if it worked? What if Josh and I could make it? What if we could be what each other needs?
I sigh and shake my head, a self-deprecating smile on my lips. I’m hot for this man, and he interests me, intrigues me. I might give in to my desires. Take a bite, see if I want more. If I can even handle more! But, a relationship? At that thought, my stomach clenches.
I take a deep breath and a fortifying sip of tea. Calm down, you’re not embarking on a commitment to your lifelong love. Right?… Just thinking of the possibility of shagging your hot colleague on a possibly regular basis…
I can’t keep hiding from life. Can’t eternally avoid taking any risk. Josh might be a rascal, but he’s special. And he feels a lot like he’s my rascal. I think. No, I know I want to give this thing between us a fair shot. The way he looks at me, the way he touches me. His kisses, his hands on my body. I don’t want any of that to stop. And I want more. Everything.
Work? We’ll manage. Others have done it before us. And life? I think what life has had in store for me all this time looks an awful lot like a certain tall, dark and handsome lawyer.
***
“Browlyn,” Josh answers in a stern tone.
Oh shit, I didn’t think he would pick up!I can hear chatter and music in the background.
“Hi Josh, it’s Nia. I’m sorry to call you this late on New Year’s Eve. I was just gonna leave you a voicemail.”
Silence. Did I lose him?
“Uh… Josh? Are you still there?”
“Yes. Yes. How are you Nia?”
“Hm… Much better.” I take a deep breath. “I wanted to apologize for the other night.”
“No apology needed, sweetheart. I understand.”
“No, I insist. It was… cowardly.”
“You have your reasons…” he pauses for a beat. “And you’re right. I can’t force things. What I feel for you Nia…,” another break. “What I feel for you is so plain and certain, if you don’t share that… there’s no point.”
