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“Why areyouso loyal?” he changed tack.
She suppressed a sigh, sitting back on her chair, resting her gaze on his as she tried to find another evasive-yet-earnest response.
“I think the real power is hard to come by,” she said. “Most people never know what it is or see what it can do. I’ve seen it my whole life. There’s danger in it, but there’s safety too. I guess I’ve always felt I can take the danger if I get the sense of safety along with it.”
“That’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one,” he said, making her smile in spite of herself.
“Yeah, I guess it is,” she agreed. “But aren’t most good things a little bit of two conflicting things? You know, even the most benign thing can be deadly.”
“Mh,” he nodded. “Like a mushroom.”
She couldn’t keep a chuckle down, making him smile in return.
“A bee,” she offered.
“A shark,” he threw at her, making her smile wide.
“Exactly!” she agreed. “It’s all about how you handle yourself and whatever benign thing happens to come your way.”
He’d finished his plate of food as well, the waiting staff coming to clear the table, bringing in a tray of coffee and sweet cherry treats. She nabbed one from the silver platter, the crystallized sugar making her mouth constrict with pleasure.
“They’re my favorites,” she admitted, noticing him taking stock of what must be pure bliss in her expression.
He pushed the platter a little closer to her as encouragement, accepting a cup filled with steaming coffee from the person attending to them. He gave a nod of thanks and the waiting staff disappeared to give them back their privacy.
The room grew still as she chewed down another treat, the taste of dried cherry mixing with the sugar melting on her tongue.
“So, this need for control,” Dmitri spoke. “It’s all to do with wanting to feel safe?”
The straightforward question took her off guard enough that she stopped chewing, eyes on his again. That’s how perceptive he was? She hadn’t even realized that’s what she’d put into words, but he was right.
That was the truth of it, wasn’t it?
And it wasn’t that she felt unsafe or was a fearful sort of person, but the thought of not having the protection her name afforded her had never even crossed her mind. She’d never felt a need to break away, even with all the darker and shadier sides to her father’s business dealings. There was a safety in knowing exactly where her world started and ended. The unknown had never held any appeal to her.
She smiled then, thinking of where she now found herself and how she’d gotten there.
“I guess it kind of backfired,” she said. “If I really think about it… I may have gotten complacent, relying too heavily on the fact that I’m Semyon Kumarin’s daughter and no one would ever dare hurt me.” As she spoke the words, she realized how true they were.
This was why she’d been so lax with Gregor’s background check. She’d lulled herself into a sense of safety and hadn’t bothered to do her due diligence. She’d thought herself in control when really, she’d been entirely lacking it from the first time when she met Gregor.
The understanding was startling, like she’d been sleepwalking until this very moment and now finally began to open her eyes to the world around her.
“Perhaps you needed it to backfire,” Dmitri said, one eyebrow cocked meaningfully. “Isn’t that what life does? Throw you something benign and lets you work out how to handle it? If you mishandle it…” He trailed off. She nodded slowly.
“Boom,” she filled in.
“Boom,” he agreed.
“And what about this?” she asked, gesturing to the coffee cups and the half-empty plate of sweets.
“What about this?”
“Seems benign enough.”
“It is benign.” She paused, waiting for him to elaborate. It didn’t take long. “But you’re right, we should probably decide on some kind of terms.”
“For my release?”
