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“I don’t want a party,” I tapped my foot under the table as the whole family was having dinner. Together. Again.Mental eye roll.
“Well, you’re having one. So, you might as well tell me how many friends you’re having over.”
“That should be about…,” Lucas pretended to count. “One.”
After our not so honest conversation about what happened between us, or more specifically between me and Dylan, Lucas and I got back to the usual snarky comments here and there. Nothing too engaging. It felt better. Familiar. At school we continued to ignore each other. I often saw him in the hallways with a girl all over him. I was grateful he wasn’t inviting them to dinner, but it still tortured me.
I examined his face. He looked nervous. Pressed. It took me a few seconds, but I figured it out why. It was my turn to push his buttons.
“Hannah, of course. Like Lucas suggested,” I started calmly looking down at my meal. “But I guess if Ihaveto have a party, I could invite another friend of mine,” I poked my potatoes as if I was trying to find something under them. “Is that okay?” I lifted my gaze from my plate to look Lucas in the eye. “He,” I deliberately made a pause to get his attention, “…is very nice. You’ll like him”.
Lucas’s eyes narrowed at me. He knew who I was referring to, but I guess he didn’t think I would have the nerve to actually follow through and invite him here. If he had the nerve to question me about Dylan, ask me to be his fuck buddy and then just let girls suck his neck in front me, then I certainly could invite a friend to my birthday party.
“Oh, is that a boyfriend?” Elizabeth was trying to sound excited, but her voice cracked.
My secret agreement with his mother was making me restless. Even though we didn’t do anything in particular except me showing up in this house and in his face all the time, I knew Lucas wouldn’t take it easy if he knew Elizabeth’s agenda. I tried to communicate as little as possible with her in front of him out of fear he would figure us out.
“Mmm? Oh, no. Just a friend,” I looked at her. “For now.”
The conversation at the table died completely. Everyone looked at Lucas like he was about to explode. To be honest, he really had that look. His jaws were so tightly clenched, I imagined him breaking a tooth. I couldn’t hold my smile anymore, because of that picture in my head. I giggled. Lucas dropped his fork in his plate like I was a misbehaved child and he was my outraged grandmother.
I didn’t roll my eyes for the rest of the dinner. I didn’t have to. No one was talking and at least one person was pissed off. This was what I was used to. It really cheered me up.
My good mood turned out to be brief.
Later that evening, I went back to my room after I got out of the shower. As I was closing the door of my bedroom, a hand pushed it open, and Lucas stormed in. He slammed it behind his back, not caring that his parents could hear his tantrum. He walked in and stood in the center of the room, while I stepped backwards, closer to the door. Not that I thought I would need to run away from him, but it was comforting to have the option to do so.
“Can I help you?” I crossed my arms in front of my chest. I felt naked. Not because of Ty’s tee that I was once again wearing, but because of him being in my room. It was too intimate.
“You can’t do it,” his voice was firm and husky.
And hot.
I knew what he was talking about, and I wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.
“Why?” I asked. It was all I managed to say without exposing all the feeling he stirred in me. The jealousy I felt when I saw him with other girls. In just a second, he was only a step away from me.
“Because this is my fucking house and because I say so.”
He looked emotionally detached. His hair was a mess. It looked like he ran his fingers through it a thousand times. I felt the urge to defy him just to make him lose it. Something I suspected he did to me on a regular basis.
“No,” I said nonchalantly.
His reaction was instant. Like he knew I was going to say that. Like he knew what he would do. Like he knewIwanted him to do it.
He grabbed me by the waist and my back landed on the door with a thud. I could feel his body everywhere on mine. It was intoxicating.
“Don’t provoke me, Clementine,” he warned. “I don’t care if it’s your birthday, he won’t go out of here standing on his feet.”
I laughed. Not because it was funny, or because I thought he wouldn’t do it. I laughed because he cared. A solid proof I was deranged.
My laughter made him frown. His gaze scanned my face like I was a crazy person, dropped to my lips, and stayed there while he spoke. “This act of yours,” his voice was low and it melted my insides. “You’re too sassy and defiant to pull it off.”
“What act?” I narrowed my eyes at him.
“This thing you do. When you pretend you don’t have feelings and people can’t affect you.” He leaned in, his lips almost touching mine. “Say you won’t do it,” he whispered.
My breathing was out of control, my chest was moving up and down against his. He didn’t wait for me to speak. He clashed his mouth on top of mine, and we both moaned. Our first kiss was wild. Angry. Like us. And it felt so good.
