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Elizabeth looked at me. She was surprised I could actually show affection to someone.
“Let’s go,” Tyler pushed himself of the kitchen island and grabbed my wrist.
“Where?”
“Who cares?” he waved me off.
“Do you need any help?” I yelled to Elizabeth while Tyler was dragging me out of the house. She just laughed.
Half an hour later, we were sitting on a bench in the park, and Tyler was opening a second beer.
“Dad said I make him look bad,” he murmured. “By coming to your birthday.”
“I don’t care about the stupid birthday. In a way, I’m glad no one came,” I pouted. He shot me a look.
“I mean, I’m glad you did,” I said. And I really was, but I was also worried how it would play out tonight. I had a best friend that was crazy in love with him, a roommate that hated me and wasnotafraid to show it, and a boy that had an odd fascination with me since the day he came to school this fall, all coming to a party that I didn’t exactly want in the beginning, but was sort of anticipating now.
“Okay,” he chuckled, not believing me.
I placed my palm over his hand and repeated myself.
“I really am. I’m glad you’re here. Thank you.”
“Well, I didn’t want to leave you alone with the Coles. Dad thinks you’ll cut his head off the moment you see him for the way he left you here,” he kicked my foot with his, signaling me he wanted an answer on that one.
“Is that his excuse for not coming?” I asked outraged. “He just dumped me there with no warning. Did he tell you that?”
“Yes, he told me. You don’t need to yell,” Tyler looked at me amused. “God… Living alone with mom made you really violent, huh?”
“You’re the one to talk. I know what you do in Boston,” I crossed my legs and arms with a victorious look on my face. Like I knew everything while I only heard snippets.
“I do it for the fun of it,” he shrugged, and I realized that part of the conversation was over.
But while we were sitting in silence, a thought came to my mind.
I was the only one angry at mom. Tyler and dad had basically the same hedonistic nature, and pleasure was their prime objective. Tyler was into boxing now, and he was beating the shit out of people for fun, apparently. Dad was screwing a twenty-year-old after a twenty-year-old. Madison seemed to like her life of a cold-hearted bitch, chasing a glamorous career in New York and wherever her job led her these days. She put to real use her unnatural perfectionism and did great for herself. They all found a way to deal with their emotions. Even mom was in a better place than me. She was getting mental help for her addiction and I… I was just stuck.
Stuck in all the hatred and negativity I had been feeling for years.
“Why did you come?” I asked Tyler. “Dad didn’t. Madison sent me a happy birthday text she would probably send to the person doing her nails.”
I didn’t want to talk about the thirty missed calls from an unknown number. It was my mother calling from the clinic, I was sure of it.
“I felt bad you were alone,” he shrugged. “Not today. The whole time while mom was drinking. Was it bad? Did she abuse you?”
Ahh. Guilt. If I allowed myself to roll in that feeling from time to time, maybe I would have recognized it out without having to ask.
Tyler wanted to calm his conscience. Not that I had a reason to expect anything but a selfish motive from him. He was never big on leaving behind his needs for the sake of others.
“Honestly?” I looked at my feet. “Lately she barely even noticed I was there.”
“Was that a good or a bad thing?” Tyler hesitated how to interpret my tone.
“Still debating,” I smiled, not daring to look him in the eyes. Coming clean about mom and how I deliberately let her get worse just to get back at her, wasn’t a desired topic for either of us.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I got a new message.
Duncan: It’s not good enough yet, but it’s better than the crap you’ve been sending me so far. Finish it.
