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“Your father, Ty, and Maddie,” she chimed. “Your father plans on flying over here at least once a month now. He wants to be more present.”
“What difference does it make? I’m graduating soon. I won’t be here anyway.”
“Well, about that. We talked, and we decided you should stay in California. Your father has some connections, and he could help if you’re not accepted.”
My throat bobbed, and I felt a scream building up inside it.
“No,” I said shakily. “No, I’m not staying here. You can’t decide that for me.”
“It’s not negotiable, Clementine. We don’t trust you enough to let you live too far away. You’re unstable. Your dad told me about your outburst on Christmas.”
“I don’t care if you trust me or not. I’m not staying here.”
I felt the urge to shout the truth out. To tell her where I was going and that she had no power over me. But it was too soon. And I had to tell Lucas first. I couldn’t risk him hearing it from somewhere else. I owned him at least that.
“Well, since your father and I are financially supporting you…”
“You mean dad is.”
“…it’s not really your decision.”
I snorted.
“I don’t believe that he agreed to this.”
“If you had played along and participated in my healing process, maybe we could have let you decide. But your behavior proved you’re just an angry child. And your father and I agree you need to stay close. He’s traveling a lot for work and sending you to Seattle is not an option.”
“And dad knows about this?” she had to be lying.
“Of course he does. He wanted us to tell you next week, but since you mentioned moving away, I decided that the moment is as good as any.”
I wanted to wipe the smirk of her face.
“Why do you want to keep me here, since you never even wanted me? What kind of sadist are you?”
Her voice was sad when she answered.
“The same as you, honey. That’s what we have in common. You may look nothing like me on the outside, but on the inside…”
She turned her back on me and walked away.
???
My mother’s words were stuck in my head for two days.
The same as you, honey.
At first I was pissed at her. I told myself she was wrong. That I wasn’t like her.
But then I started thinking about all the times the two of us hurt one another. She was mean to me and I fought back. Not only that. I was actively thinking of ways to torture her. Humiliate her. Just like she did it to me.
I even went as far as hiding her alcohol abuse from everyone, taking pleasure in the fact she was suffering.
I couldn’t stand myself anymore.
The worst part of it all was I realized I did to Lucas what she did to me. And he didn’t deserve it. He was always there for me from the day we met. He never hurt me. And I? I had no mercy. I crushed him, and I was still doing it. By not telling him the truth. By not explaining we were over. I knew he was still waiting for me and did nothing about it.
The realization I possessed every bad quality my mom did hit harder that anything. Hannah and Dylan were trying to cheer me up at school, but it was pointless. I wasn’t even listening to them.
