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“We have company.” Part of me wanted her to stay at the table as a buffer. Spending time with Hank and Luna was a lot different than one on one time. I’d found that out when we’d shared ice cream on the bench. It felt so intimate, even though we’d been in public surrounded by dozens of people.
“But you promised.”
She was right. I had.
“Okay.” Before I even finished agreeing, Luna grabbed the throw blanket that was on the couch, spread it out on the floor, and had the television turned on.
I brought a plate of pizza and veggies and a glass of water to her. She barely noticed as I sat it down, already entranced in the action on the screen.
By the time I’d made it back to the table, Hank had made me a plate of pizza and veggies and had grabbed two sodas from the fridge.
I couldn’t remember the last time someone had made me a plate of food. I’m sure that my mom had at some point in my life, but for as far back as I could remember I’d filled my own plate. My father didn’t want my mother to “baby” me. He was a big believer in self-sufficiency.
I’d dated Richie for years, and Iived with him for six months and couldn’t remember him filling my plate even once. Logically, I knew that that in and of itself wasn’t a big deal. But emotionally, it was hitting me in a very raw, vulnerable place. With everything I was dealing with, raw and vulnerable were not places I wanted anyone accessing. Especially not my neighbor who was making me want to do things that I hadn’t wanted to do in so long, I’d forgotten I ever wanted to.
After having Luna, I’d sort of shut down a huge part of me. The part of me that was a woman with needs. I focused everything on building my career and raising my baby. What little bit I had left over, was given to support Ashley who was a young adult and still needed guidance.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done something just for myself. Hank was something I wanted to do. But I couldn’t. I didn’t date. Things were complicated with Richie and I never wanted Luna to feel confused or abandoned by another man. She had enough of that with her own father.
“Are you okay?” Hank asked.
I blinked back tears that were forming from the emotions that I was struggling to hold at bay thinking of my baby girl growing up being disappointed time and time again by the man that was supposed to love her the most. I knew that Richie had no clue how much his actions affected Luna, but that didn’t mean that they didn’t.
Sniffing back all the feelings that were coming to the surface I was waiting for my emotional fail-safe switch to flip.
Anytime now, switch.
The last thing I wanted was for Hank to know the road his kind gesture had taken me down.
“Skylar?” he said my name with concern that only amplified my emotions.
“Sorry.” I shook my head. “I zoned out. I’m still sort of out of it. It was a long drive. Thank you.”
A wrinkle appeared between Hank’s brows. “For what?”
“For this.” I waved my hand over the plate that he’d made for me. When I looked up, I saw that he was still confused. Why wouldn’t he be? How could he know the amount of responsibility that I’d been carrying around? Or how tired I was? And not just from the drive. From life. Hoping to present a plausible alternative to the reality that someone making me a plate of food brought me to tears, I said, “This looks much better than burned chicken.”
Then to sell it I grabbed a slice and took a bite. My brain was so distracted having a mini-mid-life crisis that the flavor of the sauce, and the gooeyness of the cheese, and the thickness of the crust snuck up on me. “Mmm,” I moaned as I took another bite.
I was going in for a third when Hank asked, “So, when do you to start at the bar?”
“Um…” I nodded as I licked a bit of sauce that was on the side of my mouth. Realizing that wasn’t going to do the job, I grabbed the roll of paper towels sitting on the table, pulled one off, and wiped my mouth. I normally was much more put together than this. Tearing up over a plate of food and inhaling food like a shop vac. It wasn’t a great look. I needed to pull it together. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “In two days.”
“That excited, huh?” He grinned.
“No. I mean yes, I am excited.”
“If you’re not, it’s okay…”
I realized that my lack of enthusiasm could be misconstrued as being ungrateful. And that wasn’t true. I was so grateful. “Oh no, I am. I just…I have to find daycare.” It wasn’t what had caused my lackluster response, but it was the truth. I’d been lucky because my neighbor ran a daycare out of her house, so she’d only been looked after by someone that I knew and trusted. “I have a few websites to check out. So I’ll figure it out.”
“My brothers and I always went to Mrs. Birch. She’s amazing. All kids love her. She helped me a lot with my brothers after my mom died. She used to make this peanut butter fudge and she always let me help her. And she lives on the same block as the bar, so you’ll be close.”
Close was perfect. It was going to be difficult enough to leave her with a stranger.
“Do you happen to know what her hours are?” I knew that my schedule was going make finding daycare even trickier, and probably more expensive. But I needed cash and I needed it fast.
“I’m pretty sure she’s flexible. I know she watched Mark Lyons’ daughter when he was on the graveyard shift at the plant. And Sandy Marshall works swing, she’s a nurse at the hospital and she watched her daughters.”
“Oh good! Do you have her number?”
“Yeah.” Hank pulled out his phone. “I can send it to you.”
I rattled off my phone number and seconds later I got a text alert.
When it sounded Hank’s lips curled up at the ends and my stomach rolled like Jack and Jill down the hill.
“Now you have my number, too.”
Oh boy. I was in trouble. Big trouble.
