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When the doorbell rang, it was my first clue that Hank wasn’t the person standing on the other side. In all the times he’d come over, he’d never rang the bell.
I pasted a smile on my face as disappointment flooded me. I just hoped that Luna wouldn’t be too disappointed that her favorite person wasn’t behind door number one waiting for her.
But when I opened it, I saw that I had nothing to worry about. Ashley had sent Luna a present, herself. My sister was on the porch carrying an oversized teddy bear, a bouquet of balloons, a sash that said Birthday Girl and a crown.
“I heard there’s a birthday girl here!” Ashley shouted.
“Lee Lee!” Luna jumped into Ashley’s arms and the next thing I knew it was like the floodgates opened.
Tears started rushing down my face. I quickly wiped them away as Luna hugged the bear and my sister pulled me into a hug.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her arms enveloping me tightly.
I nodded against her shoulder. “It’s just so good to see you.” I hugged her tighter. “Really good.”
It wasn’t until that moment that all of the events of the past few weeks, months, years caught up with me. My fail-safe switch was officially broken. This was it, the breakdown I’d known was coming.
“Lee Lee we have chocolate chip pancakes!” Luna, who was thankfully unaware of my current emotional state, tugged at my sister and pulled her inside.
Ash was still staring at me, her eyes filled with concern as she set her things down and followed Luna to the table.
“I’m gonna…” I motioned toward the back of the house and escaped down the hallway to the bathroom.
When I got inside and shut the door, I took a deep breath and tried to turn off the valve of emotion that was flowing from my tear ducts. I ran the water and splashed it on my face. As I dried my face with a towel, I told myself to pull it together. This was not the day to finally let it all out.
Tonight, was a different story. After Luna was sound asleep in her bed, I’d open a bottle of wine, sit down with my sister and give myself permission to lose it. I just needed to get through today first. I could do it.
Drawing emotional inspiration from Emma Thompson’s character’s scene in Love Actually when she finds out that her husband has been cheating on her but has to pull it together to go to her children’s Christmas play, I did the equivalent of her straightening the comforter and fixing her sweater by washing my face.
It took me a few splashes of water before I dried my face and it didn’t immediately get damp again with tears. When I was finally able to get myself under control, I retouched my makeup to disguise the blubbering mess I’d dissolved into, took a deep, fortifying breath, and walked out with a smile on my face.
“I want to show Lee Lee the Ferris wheel!” Luna declared as I stepped into the kitchen.
The Ferris wheel. Of course. The one option that terrified me.
Oh well, I could just add it to the other trauma I intended to purge tonight during my scheduled breakdown. There was going to be wine, and tears, and more wine.
But first, there was going to be a Ferris wheel.
