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“I see where you’re going with this,” Ella replied wryly, “and don’t get ahead of yourself. He’s headed out of town in just a couple of days. This is a short trip. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Oh, well, if it doesn’t mean anything, then why did he invite you over to his Grandmother’s house for a formal dinner party? That means something.”
Ella opened her mouth to ask how the heck she knew about that, but then realized it was pointless. Abby’s mom was one of her mom’s poker buddies, maybe she’d mentioned it. Maybe Troy and Mila had been walking by while her mother made her torturous daily trek down to the mailbox at the curb each day and they’d told her. Or maybe one of a hundred other different scenarios. This was Valentine Bay, after all. The underground intelligence network rivaled those put into place by the government, and her invite would’ve been a hot ticket, info-wise.
She steeled herself before she spoke again. She didn’t want to let the worry and uncertainty she felt leak out around the edges of her voice. Then her mom would just be alone, unable to leave the house, and worried about her—which, in turn, would increase Ella’s usual level of worry about her mom—the whole thing was just a vicious cycle. So she made her tone as light and carefree as possible.
“I was just the buffer. Donovan was afraid that she was going to make a big deal about how long it’s been since he’s been back. But it didn’t even end up being like that, so it was no big deal. Anyway, I’m just trying to keep in mind that this is a short visit and not get too attached to having him around again.”
There was silence on the other end of the line, and Ella wondered if her connection had dropped off. She took the phone away from her ear and looked at the face, but the call was still going. The connection was fine. She returned the phone to her ear and said, “Mom? are you still there?”
“I’m still here,” her mother replied. “I was just thinking. I hate having to see you be so guarded. It’s so contrary to your nature. But at the same time, it would be awful to see you get hurt again.”
“Believe me. I’ve been thinking about almost nothing else except the fact that I’m probably going to end up getting hurt. I don’t know how to avoid it. No matter which way I look at it, I just can’t seem to figure a way out.”
Her mom sighed. “I know. I know exactly what you mean. I was the same way with your father, when he was around. He was a rolling stone, you know. Consumed by wanderlust. I was always keenly aware that he had one foot out the door at all times. So, even when he was there, I was distracted. Looking back, I wasted all the good years we had together because I was already looking ahead to the bad years, torturing myself with worry.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“Maybe you can learn a lesson from me, sweet girl. Learn from my mistakes.”
“How?”
“Well, my instinct is to protect you from pain, and to help you protect yourself, as well. But if that’s not going to be possible, if the pain is going to come either way…then maybe you shouldn’t waste this time. Maybe you should throw yourself in. Full heart, full soul. Then, when you look back on it later, sure, you’ll have the pain. But you’ll have the good times, too.”
