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“Connor, I just think it’s best that we go our separate ways. I mean, if we try to make it work long distance, it’s only going to drag out the inevitable.”
His pride keeps him from saying what he really feels, which was that going their separate ways was the last thing in the world he wanted and that he’d move heaven and earth to be with her. So, instead he just nods and watches as she climbs in her car and drives away.
He understood at the time that what had just happened was shitty, and that he was full-blown heartbroken, but he had no idea then that it was the last time he’d ever see her.
Until today, anyway.
If he’d known that she wanted to avoid him so bad that she’d stay out of the whole state, he would’ve been even more broken up than he was on that day at the end of the summer after senior year. In retrospect, it was probably for the best that he found that one out for himself only bit by bit, as the years passed. He didn’t think he could’ve taken it all in one big chunk on that worst day ever.
His gut burned, like acid was trying to eat its way out, but even through the pain, he could feel his pride rising up. He didn’t want her to know she’d gotten to him. He couldn’t let her see that she’d won. If she was going to waltz back in and act like nothing’d happened, well, hell. He could do that, too.
Instead of shifting his eyes to the side as she sat down at the table, he stared at her straight on.
Fuck, it took every ounce of will he had to keep that stare unwavering. Her long, curly black hair was every bit as silky as it ever was. Her blue eyes were just as deep and vulnerable. She still looked every bit like a Disney princess.
It was just too bad that he wasn’t her prince.
Keeping his voice steady, he said, “Sorry to hear about your granddad.”
Her lip trembled and she looked down at the table.
Fuck!
Even after all this time everything in him screamed to gather her up in his arms, hold her tight to him. Not let go until she stopped trembling. He wanted to be the one that protected her from the hurts of the world and made all her fears go away.
Too bad she’d made it crystal clear ten years ago that he wasn’t the man for the job. The reason for that decision, though, was about as clear as mud.
He couldn’t take it anymore. It was all just too intense. He stood up from the kitchen table, the suddenness of his movement sending the chair screeching back along the linoleum. “I’ll be in the shed, Gavin. See you out there.”
He marched straight out the door without looking back. With his eyes, anyway. He had a feeling that when it came to his brain, “looking back” would be pretty much all he’d be doing that day.
