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“It has,” I agreed and we both got up as I walked her to the door.
“Thank you,” she said, gripping my shoulder. For a second I thought she was going to pull me close and kiss me. As if it was nothing. As if it was just something she wanted to do. If she kissed me right now, I wouldn’t know what to do. Or how I would react. Part of me would want to push her away and another part of me, a part I would have liked to ignore, would want to pull her closer.
But she didn’t kiss me, and I was definitely going to ponder what would have happened if she had.
“Text me,” I blurted out.
“Okay,” she said, giving me a lopsided smile that made my heart flip over and remember all the other times she’d given me that smile.
Shit.
“Bye,” I said, the word a little strangled. She gave me a little wave and I closed the door, resting my back on it.
What a day.
Five
A few hours later, I was in bed thinking about how my life had just completely been thrown off track. I hadn’t planned on seeing Fiona again. Maybe ever. And I would have thought that if I did see her again, I would have had some prep beforehand. That I’d get some time to think about what I’d say.
That didn’t happen and now I was reeling.
I couldn’t stop thinking about how incredibly beautiful she was. Had she always been that pretty? I remember the days in high school that I used to stare at her face and wonder how she was real. How she was mine.
She wasn’t mine anymore. Before my thoughts could traipse off in a fantasy-like destination, I had to remind myself that we had broken up. Our relationship was over. Done. All we could hope for now was to have a civil relationship, and, maybe someday, a friendship.
Maybe not. Friendships were tricky for me. I had a hard time drawing the line with what was friendship and what was something more. I didn’t want to fall right back into being more than friends with Fiona.
*^*^*
“Wow, rough night?” Anna said the next morning when I stumbled out of the studio to get some coffee. I’d given up on sleep, and she had to get ready for work. Lacey would be here soon, and I was stressing. But I needed caffeine to actually function today. I wanted to clean everything up and make sure I was being as unobtrusive as possible when she got back.
“Not in the way you think. She left not long after you went to bed. Things are just . ..” I trailed of, holding my hands out.
“Yup, sounds about right. Seeing your ex again when you’re not prepared can be the worst.” She made a face and shuddered.
Exactly.
I was about to say something else, but she swore and chugged what was in her coffee cup.
“If I don’t go right now, I’m going to be late for the library.” Anna and her jobs. I waved goodbye and then I was alone. After I slumped on the kitchen table for a while, I made myself a lazy breakfast of leftover croissants from the bakery and two cups of strong coffee. That made me feel marginally better.
Realizing I hadn’t showered in a while, I got up and went to the bathroom, pulling my shower things out from where I’d hidden them under the sink.
I belted out a few showtunes and then realized I’d forgotten to bring a change of clothes with me. Whatever. I bundled my other clothes under my arm and walked out of the bathroom in just a towel.
There was someone at the kitchen table and I screamed.
“Holy shit, you gave me a heart attack,” I said, clutching the towel and glad I hadn’t dropped it.
“You must be Serena,” she said, getting up. I’d seen enough pictures to know this was Lacey. What a way to meet your cousin’s girlfriend (and the person whose house you’re living in) for the first time.
“Uh, yeah. You must be Lacey.” She was just as I’d expected her to be. Tall, rocking a loose tank, and with her dark hair in the most perfect messy ponytail, with aviators perched on top of her head. She was just . .. cool. Way cooler than I’d ever be, or could ever hope to be.
She smiled and I could objectively see why Anna had fallen for her.
“Um,” I said, feeling slightly underdressed.
Lacey blinked.
