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“You’re probably laying in bird poop,” I pointed out. She cringed and sat up, trying to crane around and see if there was any on her back.
“Ewww,” she said, and I burst out laughing.
“You’re fine. I was just saying ‘probably.’” Fiona glared at me and I just laughed harder.
It was so easy to laugh with her. So easy to fall back into patterns of behavior that we’d had for years. Like no time had passed. Like just yesterday she was telling me that she loved me. I said it back, for the first time. For the first and only time I’ve said it to someone other than family. And it felt like the first time I’d meant it. I’d meant it so hard that I’d felt like crying.
“What are you thinking about?” she said, and I realized I’d zoned out and stopped laughing.
“The past,” I said without thinking.
“Our past?” What else?
I nodded.
She pressed her lips together and looked away. As if it hurt to look at me.
“I really fucked up a good thing, didn’t I?” she said quietly, looking at her hands and then dusting them off on her dress.
“We were young,” I said. We had been. We still were. I definitely didn’t think I knew what the fuck I was doing.
“Do you have any regrets?” she asked. I had to think about that one.
“Yeah, I really regret those awful highlights I had sophomore year,” I said.
“Youknowwhat I mean,” she said, pushing my shoulder. I knew what she meant. I just didn’t know if I could talk about it right now.
“I do. But I’m still trying to catch up with the fact that you’re here. Can we just . .. not talk about the past for a little while?” She looked as if I’d slapped her.
“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry. Of course, of course.” I wasn’tthatupset, but I also didn’t want to revisit everything again today.
“We could . .. start over? Sort of?” she suggested. I raised one eyebrow.
“And how would that work?” You couldn’t start over when you knew exactly how someone else brushed their teeth and what kind of eggs they ate in the morning and how they liked their coffee. You couldn’t ignore or deny those things. It was like muscle memory. Relationship memory.
She grinned and my heart rolled over a bit. Not quite a flip, but definitely a little roll. I was going to have to be careful. So careful.
“Hi, I’m Fiona Davis, nice to meet you.” Oh, really? This was what we were doing?
“Uh, I’m Serena Nolan?” She stuck her hand out and we shook, and I pulled away quickly. I didn’t want to touch her too much. It made me want to touch hermore.
I shook my head and smiled a little.
“So, Fiona, what brings you out here to this park that I am also in?” She smacked my shoulder again.
“I’m serious. We’ve lived a few years apart from each other. We’re new people, in a way.” And we were the same people, too, but I wanted to humor her. Also a problem.
I asked her what her major was, again. I asked her what brought her to town. I asked her what she liked about college, which opened her up to telling me more about her roommate and her classes and how jarring going from your parent’s house to a college dorm could be.
“And my mom still expects me to tell her where I’m going to be? Like, I’m hours away and I have to text her and say that I’m going to the store. It’s ridiculous.” Wow, I knew her parents were controlling, but apparently they’d gotten worse since Fi had gone to school.
“Did she put a tracker on you?” I asked and she rolled her eyes.
“Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past her. I, um, haven’t told her that we’re hanging out.” Well, crap. That was just great.
“Did you lie to them, or did you just not tell them where you were going to be?” She shrugged one shoulder.
“I told them I was going out for a walk and just didn’t say that I was going for a walk with someone else. Okay, now I’m regretting bringing this up.” She pulled her knees up and rested her chin on them.
