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“We’re not sex-crazed likesomepeople,” I said and she batted at my shoulder with her hand.
“Look, you try being in a semi-long distance relationship with a smoking hot girlfriend and then tell me how that goes for you.” If,ifFi and I decided to do this thing, we’d be long distance for another two years for us to both finish school. Two years was a long fucking time. I didn’t know if I could get through that.
But I was getting too far ahead of myself. I always did that.
“Whatever,” I said, and turned to watch the toast so it didn’t burn. The last thing I needed today was burned toast. Anna hummed to herself as she grabbed some pastries, put them on a plate and then put the plate on a tray, along with two cups of coffee and some orange juice.
“Stop trying to make the rest of us look bad,” I said as she marched back toward the bedroom with her and Lacey’s breakfast.
“No one’s stopping you,” she said as she knocked on the door and then Lacey sleepily admitted her.
Just as I was buttering my own toast, Fiona tiptoed out of the studio.
“Hey,” she said quietly.
“You don’t have to pretend you’re not here. This isn’t a walk of shame. I told Anna you’d stayed over and made it clear that you’d slept on the couch,” I said, but Fi still seemed worried.
“It’s fine. You’re welcome here,” I said, going over and rubbing her arm. She gave me a shy smile and I really wanted to kiss her. I really wanted to pull her into my arms and smile into her mouth and kiss her until the coffee brewed again. Then I wanted to sit on the couch, our legs entwined, and feed each other breakfast and maybe watch an old movie.
Unfortunately, I had to work, and she had to go home. Still, we could at least eat breakfast together in the studio on the couch. Almost as good.
“What are you going to do today?” I asked. I didn’t want to seem like I was nagging her. I just really wanted to know what she was going to do when she wasn’t with me.
“I don’t know. I might, um, stop at the café for a bit? If that’s okay?”
“Of course it’s okay! I’d love to see you. I’ll bring you free food.” Jen and Sal wouldn’t care. Her eyes lit up.
“Would there be croissants?”
“Ladybug, there willalwaysbe croissants.”
Nine
She did go home for a little bit, and then showed up at the café a few hours into my shift. I’d been looking up and waiting to see her.
“She’s not here yet,” Daisy said the fortieth time I’d done it. Since it was currently slow, I’d joined her in the bakery for a little while, helping to mix frosting and glaze for cupcakes, pastries, and other confections. She wouldn’t give me the pastry bag and let me decorate any of them yet, but I had hope by the end of the summer she might. Daisy could be a little bit of a control freak in her bakery. Which was fair, I guessed.
“I know,” I said, going back to sifting confectioner’s sugar into the mixing bowl.
“You are completely head over ass, aren’t you?” she said and I wanted to protest, but she was pretty much right.
“I mean . .. it’s complicated.” Daisy wiped her cheek, which only smeared more frosting on it.
“Isn’t it always? What are you going to do?” I’d given her the basic story of what had happened last night. I didn’t feel bad telling Daisy, considering she’d sort of been through a similar thing with her current girlfriend, Molly. They too had been best friends growing up, but they had only kissed once and hadn’t really gotten together until years later. Still, she could offer me some valuable advice. And things had worked out for her, which was ideal.
“I don’t know. I haven’t had a time to process it. Not even staying up all night and thinking about all the possibilities. And I want to do the right thing, but I don’t know what the right thing is.” Daisy thought about that as I turned the mixer on and watched the glaze come together. She tapped my arm to tell me when it was at the right consistency. I turned off the machine.
“What if you thought about what you wanted, instead of what was right? I mean, if you only made decisions about what to do based on what was right, you’d never do anything reckless or risky.” That was true. And I hadn’t done much that was reckless or risky in my life. That just wasn’t my style. Maybe that needed to change.
“Just think about what you want. What you want your life to look like. Is Fiona in it? Picture your ideal life and then act accordingly.” That gave me a lot to think about and I just happened to look up and see Fiona walk through the door. The sun lit her up and it was like I’d been punched in the heart.
“I wish you could see your face right now,” Daisy said, but her voice sounded like it was coming from far away. I found myself walking out from behind the bakery half-wall and moving toward her. I was covered in sugar and butter and vanilla, but I didn’t care.
“Hi,” I said, as if we were the only two people in the café.
“Hey,” she said, the cutest smile on her face. She had another dress on, a short yellow one with a full skirt that looked like it would be great for dancing and twirling.
I pictured us dancing together, me swirling her under my arm even though she was the taller of the two of us. We’d danced that way before. Prom. My brain was ripping me into the past, reminding me of how beautiful she’d been in that silky green dress.
