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I kept my mouth shut and pretended to watch the show and that I was fine and I was completely calm. Emma asking for space was a reasonable request and I could do that. It wasn’t Emma’s fault that I immediately thought the worst when anything happened.
Using the breathing exercises I’d learned from my meditation app, I tried to calm myself and not get all twisted up in imagining scenarios that would never come to pass. Vegas seemed to sense my agitation and started licking my arm, as if to comfort me. He was such a precious boy.
Emma and I sat in silence for a long time and I was barely keeping a lid on my panic. At last I grabbed our plates and went to the kitchen to put them in the dishwasher and then get Vegas some fresh water. He went to town, slopping and slurping water everywhere.
“We’re going to need to put a towel under your bowl, you goober,” I said, patting his head.
Emma went to the bathroom while I was petting Vegas and didn’t come back. I went and knocked on the door.
“Em, are you okay? I know you wanted space, but I can’t take this anymore.” My voice broke and the door opened. Emma had been crying.
“I’m sorry,” she said, sobbing and throwing herself at me. I opened my arms to catch her and she collapsed.
“What’s wrong? My god, Em.” I rubbed her back and was starting to get really concerned that something terrible had happened that she didn’t want to tell me.
She lifted her face from my shoulder and looked into my eyes. Her eyelashes were stuck together by tears. I wiped her cheeks with both thumbs.
“Talk to me,” I said, as I cradled her face in my hands. Seeing her cry was making me want to cry as well, and I was fighting the urge.
“I can’t,” she finally said in a choked voice. She closed her eyes and leaned forward a fraction. Our noses were almost touching.
“I can’t talk to you,” she said, and I heard Jessika’s words in my head again,pay attention.
“What can you do?” I asked, and every cell in my body was waiting for the answer. Something was happening, I could feel it in the charged air between us. Everything was about to change, but it was still a shock when Emma pressed her lips to mine for a fraction of a breath before she pulled back. Or, at least she tried to pull back, because I was still holding onto her face. I wouldn’t let her go. Without thinking of even one single consequence, I did what I do best: I gave in to my first impulse and this time I kissed her. It was a little bit longer than her micro-peck, but it still probably didn’t qualify as an actual kiss. So I tried again. This time I took a step closer and inhaled through my nose as I adjusted to the kiss. Emma still seemed to be in shock, so I rubbed my thumbs on her cheeks to relax her.
I had no idea what came over me but, suddenly, kissing Emma seemed like the most important thing in the entire world.
I pulled back a bit, only to touch her lips again. I swear she tasted like an orange. My legs wobbled and I was just starting to think I’d done the wrong thing when she opened her mouth and sighed, as if in relief. Once that happened, all hell broke loose.
Nine
It wasn’t just a kiss. It was a seduction, it was a devouring, it was a surrender. It was everything at once and I couldn’t breathe and I didn’t want it to stop. My hands moved from Emma’s face to grip her shoulders, as if to have something to hold onto to ground me. Otherwise I might have either floated away or melted into the floor.
Her mouth was warm and vicious. She kissed me as if I was her salvation. I felt the same way as our lips slowly caressed each other. Not hurrying. Not rushing. Emma kissed me hard and deep. At first, there was a bit of fumbling, trying to fit our faces together so we could kiss and breathe and get everything lined up the right way, but we got there after a few moments. I nearly blacked out when she slipped her tongue between my lips. I’d never been a huge fan of making out, but this was . . . something else. Something entirely different.
Sparks exploded behind my eyelids and I reached for her tongue with mine, desperate to taste as much of her as possible. I wanted to fill my lungs with nothing but her. I didn’t need air right now.
