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Those moisture-spiked lashes framing deep brown eyes clouded with emotions held him captive, and for the first time he saw her as a woman, a person who had known joy and grief the same as him. The only difference between them was birth circumstances, a slash of fate. “I’d welcome a return of the friendship we had before marriage cocked it up.”
Before I made everything worse.
A sigh escaped her. “Can we go back, Percival? We are husband and wife. Our relationship needs to be something else entirely.” She scrubbed at the tears on her cheeks. “I’m done letting men—you—treat me as if I don’t exist except for your pleasure.”
“I understand, and you have every right.” Another wave of shame welled within his chest. He had to do better, had to be the earl—the husband—she needed… deserved. “From now on, things will change—I will change.”
“Words are meaningless without actions.” Exhaustion threaded through her voice.
“I promise.” He cupped her cheek, wiped at the lingering tears there. “Please spend as much time with Deborah as you’d like.” Though his chest was tight, he continued. This was the right thing to do. “It will benefit all of us.”
Surprise and relief flickered in her eyes. “Thank you.”
And still he held her, loath to let her go. “Did you ever want another child?”
“In my old life, I did not.”
“And now?” He could hardly force the words from his choked throat. Why did he wish to know so badly?
“I’m not sure. Things between us are too uncertain, and it’s not fair to a child if the parents don’t love each other.” The sadness had returned to the depths of her eyes. “We have much to accomplish before those discussions.”
“Very true.” He let one hand drift down her back, pausing just shy of cupping the curve of her bottom. Did he want a new romance, and with a former mistress to boot? “I respect that.”
Lavinia nodded. “Do you wish for more children?”
“I’ve never thought about it.” For too many years he’d been wrapped in grief, hadn’t given the one child he did have the proper attention.
A sigh escaped her. “Thank you for this.”
“Thank you for trusting me with the story.” He didn’t take that lightly.
“I didn’t mean to become such a watering pot.”
“I suspect you’ve been strong for far too long by yourself. It’s quite all right to break at times. It will only make you stronger.” Would that he could follow his own advice.
“Oh.” Hope lit deep within her eyes.
It crushed him, made him more determined to be a better man for her—for them. “Please don’t fret anymore over your past.” He drew the pad of his thumb along the small of her back. “You have me now, such as I am, and I’ll do whatever it takes not to be thrown out like the brandy.”
The laugh she uttered was a throaty, husky sound that went straight to his stones. A small smile curved her lips, and his gaze dropped to her mouth. “Show me you are serious. We shall talk again after that.”
“I will.” Then because he couldn’t stand the separation they’d known since their wedding, he claimed those petal-soft lips in a fleeting kiss, stopping it before desire could sweep in. “Be warned, I’ll be a wild mess as I learn to live without the drink.”
God, that was an understatement.
Surprise lined her face, from his words or the kiss? “You can rely on my support instead.” She straightened his lapels. “We’re a partnership now. If you are hurting, so am I.”
Unshed tears of his own lodged in his throat. How long would it be before he broke too? He nodded. “Thank you.” This new venture was so different from what he’d had with his first wife that it intrigued him, and for the first time since he and Lavinia had wed, he was curious enough to find out where it would go. “Shall we enjoy tea? I read an article in last evening’s Times I thought you might enjoy…”
