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Lord Randolph came toward her, pausing at the ring of onlookers. “Your Ladyship, you needn’t do this.”
“Oh, but I do. It’s past time, and I should have taken myself to task weeks ago.” She gave him a tremulous smile. “I thank you for the concern though.” Then she once more locked gazes with the gawkers. “For that matter, you have no idea what sort of woman I truly am. When you discover bits of the truth, of what I am doing, what goals I’m working toward, then you become vicious. To your little minds, you’re jealous of me because I’m here within the ton, had the gall to marry one of your own, and that I’m doing more than you can ever think of doing yourselves, for that would mean a commitment or work on your parts. Deep down in your hearts, you are lazy and selfish, and you don’t wish to cause a scene.” She laughed but it held no mirth. “A scene quite like this, for you’d rather bury your individual thoughts to follow horrible men like the Duke of Bradford.”
For a few seconds, she thought over her next words, and the more she did, the more confidence she acquired. No, she wasn’t ashamed of her past, for it had made her a better person, and the fact that she was set her apart from these lemmings.
“You may talk, tear my reputation to ribbons, for I am well accustomed to judgment and ridicule. I’ve fought against those things in many forms all my life despite the fact that my blood is as blue—and purer—than some of yours. But don’t you dare disparage my husband. I won’t stand for that.” She again looked in his direction. His face had paled, and he rested one hand on the back of a chair. With a slight shrug, she gave him a wry grin. “Laughton is a good man who is trying hard to improve himself in a world where excess and wastrel behavior are encouraged and instigated. It’s you who should be ashamed for wishing for a man’s destruction merely to feed your voracious need for gossip and entertainment.”
Lord Randolph’s lower jaw dropped. “Your Ladyship, I believe you’ve made your point.”
“Not yet. If this is the only time I’m afforded to say my peace to these people who would continue to sit in judgment, then I want a clear conscience by the end of it.” Tears prickled the backs of her eyelids. They were naught but cowards, hiding their true selves out of fear so they could fit into a place that didn’t want them anyway.
It was quite freeing to finally see she would never be happy within society but that she truly didn’t need them. Her goals and what she wished to accomplish had nothing to do with these shallow people but everything to do with others who had no voice.
“The earl is a wonderful father and an exemplary husband. He doesn’t deserve to stand with any of you, and the fact you wish to see him brought low tells me everything I need to know about the lot of you.” Heat blazed in her cheeks, but she didn’t care. “Gossip about me all you wish. I’m strong and your cutting, cruel words won’t harm me, but leave him out of it. Laughton has enough to wrestle with already. Your fight is with me and hear this. I won’t back down. And I certainly won’t give up or break under the weight of your opinions, for my worth isn’t tied to any of that.”
She looked at Lord Saintfort and flashed him a smile. In minutes she would break, burst into sobs, but for the moment, she hoped she would leave a lasting, strong impression on society. “I apologize if my private life—and the rumors therein—have interrupted your betrothal ball, Lord Saintfort. You don’t deserve that, and neither does your lovely intended. I wish the two of you nothing but happiness for all of your days, and I hope you enjoy the same friendship, the same romance, the same unbreakable bond Laughton and I do.”
Oh, please let that be true.
He gave her a flourish and a half-bow from the waist. “I appreciate the toast, Your Ladyship. If we can be half as happy in our union as you and Laughton, I will consider myself blessed.”
A few tears slipped to her cheeks despite her wish to keep them at bay. Lavinia found her husband’s gaze with hers. Though her heart was bruised, she realized he’d spoken from a place of fear and hurt, and that he probably didn’t mean those words. It served as a testament of how much she cared for him that she was ready to shatter from them now. “Dearest Percival, I cannot tell you how much these last weeks have meant, for I’m certain if you think about it, you’ll know.” She shrugged and gave him a grin that wobbled about the edges. “You’ve made tremendous progress since we married. Continue that. Let yourself be the life I saved to cancel out the one I lost… so that I can know beyond any doubts I’ve made a difference, and that I’ve given my heart to the right man.”
It certainly hadn’t been the way she wished to declare her feelings to him, but there was nothing she could do about it now.
He put a hand to his heart, clutched at his clothing while his eyes shone with moisture. Shock lined his face, but he didn’t make an effort to come to her. Instead, he turned about and fled the room through one of the doors at the side.
Well, that’s it then. She swallowed, but it didn’t alleviate the wad of tears in her throat. A few drops of moisture fell to her cheeks as she cast about for a friendly face in the crowd that rapidly disbursed.
Lord Randolph reached her side as the first sob left her throat through a mangled attempt to stifle it. Respect and admiration reflected in his eyes. “You have certainly turned society on its head tonight and gave them the dressing down they so richly deserve, just as a countess should.”
“Yet, I’ve lost him, Augustus. He left without a word, as if I don’t matter.” It was one thing to find herself shunned by the ton, but it was quite another to have been give the cut direct by her husband.
“He needs to cool off.” When she crumpled, he slipped an arm about her waist and drew her toward the main door. “Allow me to escort you home. You’ve done good work this night. Give Laughton time to come around. Like you, he has much to think about and has to lick his wounds in private. It’s been some time since his heart has been engaged this deeply.”
When her tears came in earnest, he put his handkerchief into her hand. “I don’t know what else to do.” Lavinia dabbed at her cheeks and nose. She barely saw the people they passed in the corridors, some of whom actually met her gaze and nodded in acknowledgement. “I love him desperately but he’s beyond my reach now.”
“You’ll do what you’ve always done where Laughton is concerned. Have patience with him, encourage him to see the good in himself, and perhaps have a heart-to-heart talk with him regarding all the things you couldn’t say in front of the assembled company tonight. No doubt he’s hurting as much as you.”
That brought a modicum of comfort. “You’re a fair and decent man. Why do resist letting yourself find love? I think you would make a wonderful husband.”
He snorted as they exited the townhouse and walked toward the long line of carriages that lined the curb. “And subject myself to all the anguish and angst I’ve witnessed my friends go through? Why would I want that?”
“Because love is the greatest thing we can achieve in life. It’s the only thing worth fighting for in this world.”
“I shall bear that in mind, but I will tell you this.” His eyes were merry when he glanced down into her face. “If I ever come upon a woman with strength of character and conviction like you or my friend Benedict’s new wife Lady Anne, I should agree to a match with alacrity.”
She didn’t know who that couple was but if she could iron out the wrinkles from her own marriage, she would make it a point to invite the pair to tea someday. “I’ll see what I can do once everything is settled.”
“Then I look forward to it, Your Ladyship.”
Lavinia sighed. Once again, she would need to fight for what she wanted, and this time it was so much more valuable than she’d thought.
