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“The risk of losing more than one has counted on is high. Why should I tempt fate?”
“Yet you’re doing so even now, aren’t you? Up until this point, you’ve assumed that fate has decreed you should be alone.”
“Due to risk.”
“No, due to fear.” A grin curved his friend’s mouth. Compassion pooled in his eyes. “I’ve only seen you indulge in spirits a handful of times.”
“The risk of altering one’s mind—”
“I don’t need the lecture,” Augustus interrupted with a raised hand. “However, I do require more explanation. It’s obvious you’ve thought too hard about this and it’s about to tear you apart.”
Benedict nodded. This was what he needed, this understanding that only a friend could bring. “Despite those differences, I’m not certain I can move forward in my life without her, but she’s hell bound on making this flight, and the odds, the risks, are terrifying.”
“You’ve already calculated them, haven’t you?”
“Yes. I can’t stop.” He glanced up into the leaves of the tree, enjoying the green lattice work the vegetation made in the gentle breeze. “I run through my figures every hour, and with each pass, something new and equally horrific comes to light that nudges the risk higher. How can I let her do this?”
A howl of laughter issued from his friend that had him holding his side with his free hand. “We are talking about the same Lady Anne, correct? I don’t believe you’ll have a choice, my friend. You hold no sway over her, so ‘letting’ her or ‘giving her permission’ to do anything is moot.”
“I know, but I feel compelled to try and protect her from herself.” He fixed Augustus with a stare. “How do I battle that? I’m nearly beside myself with worry.”
“For what might happen.” His friend tossed the empty plate to the grass and then crossed his arms at his chest. He leaned a shoulder against the trunk of the tree. “You don’t know if she’ll fail, or crash, or hurt herself, or whatever other horror you’ve built up in your mind.” He raised a golden eyebrow. “There’s every possibility she will surprise you and make that circuit this evening in its entirety.”
“Oh, she might indeed, and that sounds exactly like something she’d do just to show me how wrong I am.” Benedict chuckled. “Despite that, she pushes me to confront my fears.”
“Has it worked?” Concern shadowed his friend’s eyes. “Mr. Davies and what happened during the war nearly broke you. I’ve worried about you since then.”
“To a certain extent.” He ignored the heat that crept up his neck as he recalled the frantic, forceful coupling of last night.
“Then it seems to me she’s a good fit for you, even if you doubt you’re the same for her.” For the space of a heartbeat Augustus searched his face. “Have you asked for her hand? If you’re this far gone, if you’re constantly concerned about her, if you can’t bear to have her out of your sight, isn’t wedding her the next logical step?”
He snorted. The next logical step had been to take her to bed, which he’d done twice, and there’d been nothing except unrelenting lust and desire that had driven those couplings. Everything else between had secured his current state of mind. She was a wonderful person, inside and out, and he’d fallen for adventurous, slightly vulnerable soul. “I did ask, in a roundabout way after we… Ah, well, it doesn’t matter when. The fact of the matter is she declined.”
“Due to incompatibility?”
“More or less.” It was too complicated to explain.
“Hmm. And you love her still.” It wasn’t a question.
He pushed his spectacles up. “Yes. These feelings defy all reason.”
His friend shrugged. “Then ask her again.”
“The rejection this time around will sting, for I wasn’t in love with her before.”
“As you’ve told me time out of hand, everything in life comes with some sort of risk, yes?”
“That’s correct.” Would his advice run parallel to what his mother had said?
“And there’s an inherent risk of aligning yourself with a woman like Lady Anne?”
“That goes without saying.”
“Then consider this. How great is the risk in not taking the original risk? Will you regret it years from now when you read about her feats or failures in the papers? Will you suffer from bitterness if you hear that she’s wed a man far beneath what you can bring to a union?”
“Yet if she’s killed and my heart breaks, how can I survive that?” he asked in a barely audible whisper, for that fear haunted him beneath his regular nightmares.
“Then at least you’ll know you’ve lived for a time, that you escaped the prison of fear.” That damned golden eyebrow rose again. “Risk is better than loss, hands down, and risk with happiness is magnificent. Even if she agrees to your suit and then something horrible happens to her due to the risks she takes, isn’t it better to have loved her and shown her those feelings, have them returned, surrounded yourself in that love for a time, than to deny everything because you’re afraid?”
