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“Don’t misunderstand me. I’m glad Griff has found the apparent love of his life. What I take exception to is the sudden way it came about. Can one truly fall in the space of a week?” It was unfathomable to think one could go through the gambit of emotions in such a short period of time.
“I certainly did with Charles.” Her voice sounded dreamy. “One minute we were acquaintances and then the next, we were lovers.”
Oh, bloody hell.Stephen held up a hand. “Please don’t talk about your romantic life with me. That is something I don’t need to know about.”
Letty grinned. The gesture brightened her face and erased the grief the years had brought. “Fair enough.” She patted his arm again. “Think about what I said, Stephen. Christmastide is a wonderful time to find oneself in love, and if you have the chance, chase after it.”
“The chance?” He scoffed. “Here in the country? I don’t see how that’s possible.”
“You never know. Papa’s reach is long. Perhaps you’ll discover an interesting lady in the invited guests.”
“Doubtful.” He shook his head. “But I’ll consider your words, even though love hasn’t been kind to me.”
“Oh, Stephen, Lynette throwing you over was ten years ago. Surely your heart has healed.”
“It has, of course, but the mind still remembers, and I’m not keen to offer my heart in the same way to another.” He frowned, and the laughter issuing from Griffin and Nora grated on his nerves. “Honestly, I’m not certain I’m strong enough to survive such pain again.” He’d never told that to anyone. When Lynette had broken their engagement and had fled, he’d been eight and twenty, and he’d taken it hard. The banns had already been read; his name was dragged through the gossip mill, and she’d not given him a reason, so he’d made certain her reputation was just as sullied as his. He’d been in pain and shock, and though he’d wanted to know why she couldn’t find it in her to marry him, he’d been too proud to ask, had been too mortified and heartbroken to seek her out.
Then, not long after, he’d heard through mutual acquaintances she’d married someone else. That had been like a stab to heart, and his faith in women and love had been forever shattered.
“Love does seem like the best thing in the world and the worst, depending on where you stand on the subject.” With barely any effort at all, Letty led him closer to the pond. “It’s a terrible prospect when you open yourself up to such vulnerability because you trust the other person not to wound you.”
“Yes, and I’ve learned it’s a stupid idea.” Bah! Love wasn’t for him. He looked at his sister. “No, I’m not strong enough to survive that again, so it’s good that Griffin will wed soon. It takes the pressure off my shoulders.”
“But does it fill the emptiness in your soul?” she asked in a whisper.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” The whole conversation had made the ennui he’d fallen into that much deeper. His heart revisited his time with Lynette, and he hated that, for he’d long ago locked those memories into forgotten spaces of his mind. After what she’d done to him, she didn’t deserve to be remembered. Wherever the hell she was at this moment, that’s where she needed to stay, for he didn’t want to ever find himself in her company again. “I’m doing quite well for myself.”
“You like to think you’re superior to us all, but I can see what you don’t want anyone else to know.” Her smile held a sad edge. “You’re lonely and will be even more so now that Griffin has something else to occupy his attention.” She squeezed his fingers. “It’s time for you to let go and live your life, Stephen. Griffin has broken away from your shadow, so now you are free to find what will make you happy.”
The words made him reel. Was that what he’d secretly thought all these years? That he had been unconsciously protecting his brother from the slings and arrows of society by keeping close to his side whenever Griffin made a public appearance? Had he put his romantic life on pause out of the need to see his twin come into his own? Was that the reason all his liaisons with women were never permanent, because he didn’t wish to involve himself too deeply in the event Griffin needed him? “I’ve never looked at it that way before.”
“Perhaps you should.” Letty smiled. “Though you are identical twins, you don’t live the same lives. Go find what makes you happy.”
Lucy half-skated, half-creeped over to the edge of the pond where they stood. Her cheeks were as bright red as her cloak. “You aren’t happy, Uncle Stephen?”
Bloody hell. “I am when you’re around.” He snatched her up into his arms, and his heart gave a mighty thump. Oh, how he’d wanted a large family all those years ago with Lynette, but she’d argued about that and had left him shortly after. And since none of his siblings—with the exception of Letty—had married, there wasn’t a bevy of nieces or nephews to assuage that longing. So he’d funneled all his attention on Lucy and had quite spoiled the girl. “How are you enjoying ice skating?”
“It’s fun. Will you come too?”
“Why, so you can laugh if I fall on my bum?”
The girl laid a cold, mittened hand on his cheek. When she laughed, he spied traces of his sister as a young girl in her face. “You said bum.”
“So I did.” He exchanged a fond glance with Letty. “Is Uncle Griffin teaching you nicely?”
“Yes.” Lucy tugged at the black woolen muffler around his neck. “Will you come too?”
“Of course, but only after you answer me this. Who do you love more—me or Uncle Griffin?”
“Stephen!” Letty tugged Lucy from his arms. “That’s enough. She loves you equally, along with Uncle Graham.” To the girl, she asked, “Are you too cold?”
“No! I want to skate again.”
“Very well.” When his sister put one foot on the edge of the frozen lake, Lucy squirmed out of her arms, and they both went down in a heap.
Stephen snickered then quickly sobered as he helped them up. “I think I’ll pass on skating.” But he sat upon the frozen grass and contented himself with watching. Letty shuffled over the ice after declining blades, and all too soon Griffin took her hands and pulled her over the frozen pond. His sister’s laughter warmed his heart. God, it had been an age since she’d allowed herself to enjoy life.
Perhaps we’re peas from the same pod, only for different reasons.
Stifling a sigh, he readjusted the brim of his beaver felt top hat. It had been good that his parents’ marriage was a shining example of what love should be through the years, but he rather doubted such devotion could be found these days.
No, he wasn’t of a mind to go chasing after romance, yet he might look twice at an appropriate lady if she were pretty enough. Besides, where was the harm in stealing a kiss beneath the mistletoe with a blushing squire’s daughter or a recent widow wishing for temporary companionship?
