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Chapter Eight
December 21, 1818
S
tephen’s nerves crawled with anxiety as he stood at the sidelines of the ballroom at Ivy Castle. It was yet another social function his parents had scheduled, and this one a small ball—not as large or as lavish as what was planned for their wedding anniversary on Boxing Day, but with enough guests from area gentry that there was a decent crush.
And he still hadn’t secured Lynette’s promise for a future, even after two mistletoe kisses. What the devil had gone wrong?
As he watched a country reel form on the dance floor, his sister drifted close, pretty in red velvet trimmed with silver embroidery. “Why are you not dancing, Letty?”
She shrugged. “Perhaps I’m not feeling up to such revelry right now.” Though she smiled, it didn’t reflect in her eyes as she glanced at the dancers. “I’m content to remain on the sidelines for the moment.”
“Well, you look lovely in that gown. Red suits you.” He frowned, for the problem of his sister was a deep and concerning one. She shouldn’t let herself waste away, for she was still young enough to make a successful second marriage. “I’d wager if you let yourself, a few men might become enchanted with you this evening.”
“What gammon you speak, brother.” She shook her head and the dark ringlets of her hair danced. “I’m not looking for romance.” When she rested her gaze on him, he fought the urge to tug at his cravat. “What of you? Why are you not charming your way through the eligible females?”
Heat crept up the back of his neck. “There is only one woman I’m interested in.”
“Ah, yes. How goes the courtship with Mrs. Hodgins?”
“I believe I’m making strides. I’ve kissed her twice... er rather three times, for that last one didn’t much count.”
“Oh, trust me, I know. I saw you kiss her in the drawing room yesterday after Bullet Pudding.” Amusement flickered in his sister’s eyes. “You seemed to both enjoy that embrace.”
The heat on his neck increased, and this time he did tug on the knot of his cravat that was suddenly too tight. “I’d thought the company was busy; otherwise, I wouldn’t have kissed her in such an open place.”
“Liar.” Letty rolled her eyes. “You’ve been hoping for a few chances regardless of who’s around.” She gave his arm a playful swat. “Does that mean she’s accepted a suit from you?”
“Honestly, I have not a clue.” Perhaps it was time to ask for some advice. “When she’s around me or in my arms, the world is a marvelous place, but as soon as we part, I spy the confusion and hesitation in her eyes. I’m unsure how she feels.”
Letty tugged on his arm, leading him further off to the side of the room. Another country reel followed the first, and this one seemed even more popular. “Courtship sometimes takes time.”
He snorted. “Why should it? This is my second attempt with Lynette.”
She rolled her eyes heavenward. “First off, she’s probably embarrassed she broke it off with you to begin with. Secondly, I have no doubts that Mrs. Hodgins was enamored with her husband. Losing him not so long ago might bring back painful memories, and I could possibly feel as if accepting you is betraying his memory.”
“Oh.” Stephen rubbed a gloved hand along the side of his face. “I hadn’t cause to think of things in those terms before.”
“That’s because you’ve never married and lost a spouse,” she said softly with a faraway look in her eyes. “It’s a much different prospect than never having wed.”
“No doubt that’s true.” Was Lynette still in love with her deceased husband? If that was so, then why did she kiss him with such enthusiasm?
I will never understand women.
Letty laid a hand on his arm. “Don’t rush your fences, Stephen. Go slow, show her how you feel with honesty, and always be yourself. Eventually, you’ll win her over if she’s of a mind.”
“Be myself.” He shook his head. That was a double-edged sword. “What if she doesn’t like me as that man who’s made mistakes, who has regrets, who’s learning to grow?” He was trying to be a better man, for both Lynette as well as himself. Griffin’s engagement had brought home the need for him to stop living such a frivolous life and grasp something of meaning.
“Then she’s not the woman for you.” His sister held his gaze. The wisdom there humbled him. “You deserve someone who’s invested in you, in the man you’ll be now, tomorrow, next week. Someone who sees your flaws but knows they’re an integral part of you.”
Stephen nodded as he watched the dancers with half attention. “Perhaps you’re right, but it’s terrifying and makes me feel all too vulnerable, offering up my heart like that with the fear she’ll once more reject me, and this time on a whole different set of issues.”
“Any good thing is, and perhaps we ought to feel properly terrified. It means we’re in need of bravery while chasing something we absolutely want, but on the other side of that fear is everything you’ve ever dreamed of, brother. Don’t let these emotions keep you frozen. If Mrs. Hodgins is who you want in your life, pursue her with everything that you are.”
“I promise to try. At the moment I think it might be nice to marry and finally have that family I’ve always dreamed of... providing that’s what Lynette wants.” Was she still adverse to having a bevy of children, especially now she was advancing in years? He heaved out a sigh. “It’s all so confusing.”
A soft string of laughter escaped from his sister. “Life is exactly that. A confusing morass in which we have no idea where to go or how to arrive there, until it happens.” She leveled a somber look on him. “Are you in love with the widow?”
