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Chapter 24
The next several weeks seemed to fly by and proceed in a slow crawl simultaneously to Julie. She got acquainted with the new estate staff, got familiar with the house and the estate grounds, met the tenants. It was a beautiful place with several walking routes, which Julie perused every morning. She loved the country air, and the doctor was right: she felt better. She was still sluggish and occasionally got abdominal pains, but she suspected they would pass as well.
Most importantly, however, Mary was happy there. She was learning to ride her pony, walked in the meadow to collect first snowdrops, and made bouquets to decorate the house. She picked a room close to Julie’s for her own, but the artist was currently decorating the walls there, so she had to sleep in the nursery on the third floor for a while. After her room was done, however, Julie wanted to commission the painter to decorate the nursery. She wanted everything to be perfect for the arrival of her babe.
She suspected they would live on this estate for a while, and a dull ache in her heart always appeared when she thought about how easily Robert had dismissed them and left them behind. Of course, he wrote letters, but they were businesslike, with reports on the progress about the asylum. It seemed that the article in the paper had stirred quite some trouble and gave way to adding more governing members to the board, which included Benjamin Tule. That alone was not enough to reform the asylum, but it was a good step forward. Robert had not mentioned the scandal and how the paper affected his standing in Parliament. There was no mention of any gossip that most definitely surrounded the Clydesdale name. And most importantly, there was not a single warm epithet, not a single affectionate word among the lengthy letters. He worried about her, and Mary, yes, asked about her well-being, but the letters of lovelorn husband they were not.
As the days went by and her stomach finally started showing itself, she tried to concentrate on the joy of soon having a babe in her arms, but her fears only intensified. The images of a long-forgotten past made themselves known; the nightmares became more frequent. She found herself putting her hands on her stomach quite often, hoping against hope to feel the first tremors that would indicate her impending motherhood.
* * *
Julie awoke from the sound of a thunderstorm. The wind was howling outside, and hail was beating down the windows. Inside the house, there was some frantic activity, servants yelling and running around. Julie had a terrible feeling that just wouldn’t go away. Everything was eerily familiar.
She heard a loud guttural scream. Julie climbed out of bed and ventured outside. Something was extremely wrong. She was not in her house. Another scream pierced the air. Then another one, and another. She closed her ears with her arms and plastered herself to the wall. She froze for a second. What was going on? And then the thought occurred. It was her mother screaming. That thought gave her the strength to peel herself from the wall and move. She ran inside her mother’s room and froze in horror.
Her mother was lying on the bed in the pool of her own blood. The blood soaked all the sheets and was dripping down the bedpost. Her legs were bloody, and there was something black between them. Her mother’s sweat stricken ashen face was hovering a little off the bed, and she was screaming in agony. Somebody noticed Julie at that moment and pulled her away from the room.
“No!” Julie struggled against the restraints. “Mother, no!”
Julie woke up with a start, breathing heavily. She was soaked in a cold sweat and something else. She looked down and saw a dark liquid covering the sheets and her legs. She placed a hand against it as if in a daze, then brought a hand closer to her face. A putrid smell of blood hit her hard. Blood. She was soaked in blood, and it wasn’t a nightmare anymore.
* * *
“You—are a complete idiot!”
Robert looked up at the sharp words spoken to him. The dowager duchess of Rutland was standing in front of him, dressed in her traveling gown, the turban on her head, her fancy walking stick in her hand.
“Are you going somewhere?” he asked calmly, placing his hands on the table, and intertwining the fingers, ready for a tirade, as the dowager made a few steps and sat gracefully into a chair opposite him.
“I am leaving to the dowagers’ home, in Clydesdale Hall,” she said nonchalantly. “It’s been weeks since Mary and Julie left. You have no need of me in London anymore.”
“I always have need of you, grandmother,” Robert said with a slow smile.
He wondered if the dowager felt unappreciated lately. After Julie and Mary had left for Bromley, she had stayed in his London townhouse, keeping to London to weather the scandal. But he suspected she missed Mary and Julie almost as much as he did. He hadn’t seen the dowager much himself either, as he traveled to Doncaster and stayed there for a good part of a fortnight and arrived home just the night before.
“Don’t you try to flatter me,” she said a bit too harshly. She had rarely used that tone with him, with anybody, come to think of it. “The person who has need ofyouis stuck in a country home,” she said accusingly. “Your wife, your family is in Bromley. And you’re here, doing what exactly?”
Robert threw up his hands. “I was under the impression that I was working.”
The dowager just scoffed. “Julie is carrying your child. What can be more important than that?”
“I am not exactly sure that she wants me there,” Robert said carefully.
The dowager raised a brow. “When you married Julie, I was not happy about it,” she looked at Robert, who had pressed his lips together.Yes, she was not happy indeed.“When I confronted you about it, you made me a deal, remember?”
The dowager waited for Robert to nod before continuing.
“Well, I am going to hold you to that deal, now. You promised me to listen to my advice, so listen good.” The dowager rearranged her skirts in a gesture so unlike her prim and proper façade. She was obviously uncomfortable with this conversation.
“When I was young,” she started without looking at him, “there was a young man I loved very much.”
Robert blinked at the change of the subject, but she continued.
“I was foolish. Listening to old matrons, to my family members that breeding was more important than love.” She turned to him then, “It isn’t. But like many things one does wrong in the name of bloodlines, one can do even more wrong in the name of love. You think you are keeping her calm away from London. You think she is happier without you—”
Robert opened his mouth to protest, but the dowager raised a staying hand.
“I said no interruptions, Clydesdale. She loves you. You don’t see it because you are blind to it. You weren’t here to see her interactions with that John fellow. You weren’t here to see her skulk without you. And you are not there with her now. She’s lonely and scared when she needs support from the one person she relies on most—you. I wasn’t going to intervene, but I don’t see you making any wise decisions, so here I am,” she said, getting up.
