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“You told St. John who he is, but not us?” Lavinia raised a brow.
“Well, I needed an ally,” Olivia said apologetically. “And since gentlemen spend a lot of time together, I thought acquiring a gentleman as an ally would be the smartest thing to do. Jarvis knows him, they attend the same clubs, gaming hells, and he is more likely to help me than—” Olivia stopped abruptly.
“Than a spinster?” Lavinia smiled sadly. “Well, you’re not wrong. I couldn’t ensnare a man to save my life, much less help you with it.”
Olivia placed her cup of tea back on the table. “I am certain you have more grace than me.”
“Grace has nothing to do with love, unfortunately.”
“Love has nothing to do with marriage,” Olivia pointed out.
Lavinia pulled a thoughtful face.
“And if we sit around waiting for love, neither of us is ever going to get a husband. I don’t want to saddle my parents with a spinster. I don’t want them to worry over me and have to support me for the rest of their lives. They are not young either. So, once they are gone, my brothers will have to take care of me while they have their own wives and daughters to worry about. I do not want to be a bother. And as for you, you are in even worse straits.” Olivia dramatically waved her hands, successfully frightening the kitten and prompting it to leave.
Lavinia chuckled, watching her irritated kitten saunter off.
Olivia followed her gaze. “Convey my apologies to Galinthias.”
“It’s all right.” Lavinia smiled sadly. “So you don’t love this gentleman you’re chasing after?”
Olivia crinkled her brows in thought. “I do not know what love is. Do you?”
“Of course I do!” Lavinia exclaimed.
“Well, tell me. What is it then?” Olivia scooted closer to the edge of her seat.
Lavinia let out a breath and looked at some point on the far side of the wall. “When you’re around the person you love, your heart rate speeds up. You get hot and flustered; your hands grow clammy. You wish to experience his touch on your skin, and when you do, that spot burns for what feels like an eternity.” She turned back to Olivia. “That’s what love is.”
“When his touch burns my skin?” Olivia repeated thoughtfully.
“Yes. And also, you wake up thinking about him, and you go to bed with him on your mind. You wish you could see him always, and when you do see each other, you wish for those moments to never end. His voice makes you shiver in pleasure. And when you see him with another woman and imagine him marrying someone else… It hurts your stomach and your heart. Physically hurts.” Lavinia’s eyes shone as they filled with tears. She cleared her throat. “Does your potential suitor evoke those feelings in you?”
Did he? Olivia frowned. Bradshaw never touched her or even looked her way. When he did, he seemed to look right past her.
Olivia imagined Bradshaw with another woman in his arms. It didn’t feel pleasant, but it didn’t hurt either.
However, he was handsome and tall. He made butterflies flutter in her stomach. And perhaps she did feel flustered under his perusal. “I think so,” she answered, uncertain.
“If you have to think about it, then it isn’t love,” Lavinia said firmly.
“Then perhaps I do not love him. But it is not important. He is the first gentleman I have had any interest in for a long time, and that should be enough. I’d rather not be a spinster.”
Lavinia looked away miserably.
“Apologies. I did not mean to offend you.”
“No, dear, you did not. It’s just that perhaps I am starting to think that you are right.”
“You do?”
“Yes. Annalise had this idea that I deserved grand love. She insisted that if I were to marry a gentleman, he had to be in love with me. But perhaps that is how I missed my chance once already. Maybe not everyone gets grand passion and love in life. Maybe I should settle for less.”
“For someone you fancy rather than love?”
“Or… someone I love, but who doesn’t love me in return.”
Olivia frowned. “I am afraid I do not understand.”
