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Had he made a mistake insisting on her calling him thus? She held too much power over him as it was. This bit of intimacy tipped the power balance completely over to her side.
“I am truly sorry about what I did… before.”
Sebastian frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Trying to trap you into marriage.” She had a guilty look in her eyes as she bit her lip and looked at him from beneath her eyelashes.
“You didn’t go through with it,” Sebastian countered with a smile. “William managed to do what you couldn’t without even trying.”
She grimaced. “Who is this William person, and why did he do this to you?”
Sebastian slowly turned the fish to make certain they had browned on either side. “He is someone who doesn’t like being toldno. If you asked me earlier, I would go so far as to call him my friend. I knew him for a few years in France. A cunning fellow. Always gets what he wants.”
“And he wanted to court Victoria?”
Sebastian nodded. “Yes. But he is a bastard and a criminal. As a bastard of a duke, he feels he deserves a lot more than what he was accorded in life. But as a bastard, he never truly had a place in this world, so he turned to criminal circles. Based onthatand what he did to us, you can understand why I said no to him.”
“A criminal? What did he do? Aside from… this.” She looked around with a grimace.
“When I met him in France, he was one of the body snatchers. You know”—Sebastian threw a meaningful look—“the one who robbed graves and provided bodies for anatomical studies. I suppose this doesn’t make me look good either or the entire medical society, but William is a master thief. He can steal anything for anyone. And as long as he gets paid, he doesn’t care who he hurts. Or I should probably say as long as he gains anything. And because of that, you are here. So, perhaps I should be the one apologizing to you.”
She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “If I didn’t try to trap you into marriage, I wouldn’t be coming to seek you out. So, I suppose the fault is still mine.”
“How about we lay the blame where it deserves to be,” Sebastian said, realizing they could be sitting there and apologizing all evening, and it would still do nothing. “At William’s feet. Although, I have to admit, seeking me out in the field after dusk was not your best idea.”
“Oh.” Her skirts swished as she moved closer to him. “I couldn’t wait. I was about to leave the Roth estate.”
He turned to her sharply. “Why were you leaving?”
“As I said, my guardian has a marriage prospect selected for me.”
“A widowed old earl?” He raised a brow.
She nodded. “I thought it was time I stopped fighting my fate.”
“So, you were just going to marry him?” For some reason, the thought angered Sebastian. She didn’t strike him as a lady who just gave up after one failed attempt. “What about Mr. Townsend? I thought you set your cap for him, and he liked you well enough.”
“Not well enough. And I couldn’t.” She pursed her lips and shook her head. “I realized how hypocritical I was being. I didn’t want to be trapped in a marriage not of my own choice, and yet I was about to do the same to you. Yes, I was going to try and be a good wife, but it doesn’t matter, does it? You would always resent me for trapping you and—”
“And here we are trapped still,” Sebastian finished for her.
She looked down at her hands. “At least, this time it’s not my fault.”
Sebastian chuckled. “Here’s something you do not know,ma petite. If you had trapped me in that garden, if it wereyouwho forced my hand into marrying you… I would never feel resentful about it.”
“You wouldn’t?” She looked utterly confused.
“No. You were right. Women have little choice when it comes to their life, and I can’t help but admire those who push through the boundaries of society and make a comfortable life for themselves. I admire women who disregard the rules or even use those rules meant to keep them at bay and turn those rules around to get what they want—or need—in order to survive. My mother was like that. You remind me of her. And I have to say that I appreciate your integrity in not going through with your ploy, but if you had… that would not be the reason I’d resent you.”
Lavinia’s eyes darted from side to side in confusion. She clearly did not expect him to say that. “Um… thank you.”
Sebastian turned back toward the fire. “What I would resent you for, however, is getting stuck with a wife who would never be able to love me more than she loves another man.”
* * *
Lavinia raided the closets after their delicious fish dinner, looking for something, anything she could wear. She cleaned herself slightly with a pitcher of water and dusted her skirts, but her clothing was still remarkably dirty. She wasn’t sure how she’d made the journey in the carriage to where they were now, but her gown was spotty, ripped in places, and it smelled of her unwashed body and sweat. And rubbing her dirtiest places with water did not help alleviate the feeling that she was the filthiest human on earth.
Roth—Sebastian—told her that there was a stream not far from the house where they could wash up, but the thought of having to don the same stained clothes afterward made her shiver unpleasantly. At the very least, she needed a clean shift.
