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He wasn’t certain what she was afraid of. He didn’t want to think that someone had hurt her. He preferred to contemplate that she was just innocent, untried. And she was afraid of the greater intimacy between a man and a woman.
And yes, he wanted her. But he wasn’t going to be pushing her, either. If she had been bold enough to ask for a kiss when she’d wanted it, she was bold enough to indicate when she was ready to explore more.
So he pulled away from her and turned around, giving her the privacy she needed to get dressed.
When she was done, Sebastian wrapped his coat around Lavinia, who was shaking from the cold, and they set out back to the house a moment later.
Lavinia held her dirty clothing and riding boots in front of her, as she wore a ridiculously large nightgown and strange, old-fashioned slippers. She’d probably found those things in the house.
How strange. Would William have had such an item of clothing in his house? It probably wasn’t even his. He must have rented it for the occasion.
“Sebastian,” Lavinia said as they were nearing their temporary home. “I’ve been thinking about our situation while I was bathing and…”
“Yes?”
“And I came to the conclusion that you might not need to marry me.”
Sebastian raised a brow. Need?No. Want? That was a different question entirely. “Do enlighten me.”
“I am quite certain that the moment Caroline found out I was missing, she took every precaution not to let anyone know. And she would have found out first because she was preparing a carriage for me to leave.”
“Right.”
Lavinia burrowed deeper into his coat as if from cold or uneasiness. “Caroline is a good friend. She would never let the world know about my plight, except for the people who could possibly help. So once we find a vehicle, we can leave for London and just explain it as if my guardian came to collect me, and that is why I left hastily in his carriage. My guardian is adamant about marrying me to one of my father’s creditors. I am certain he would corroborate the story.”
Sebastian slowed his step. “I admire your forethought about the entire situation. But I thought marrying me was something you wanted. You planned to trap me and then when you couldn’t go through with it, you asked if I’d still consider marrying you. Now that the issue is our best, and dare I say it, the only way out, you are looking for an escape.”
“An escape for you.” Lavinia halted and looked up into his eyes. “As I said earlier, there is a reason I couldn’t go through with trapping you. This is not who I am. I do not want a husband who is forced to take me against his will. And you said you would not resent me for it, but you aren’t enthusiastic about marrying me either.”
“No, that is not what I said.”
“You said you’d resent me for loving someone else.”
Sebastian didn’t answer. Was she truly still in love with her duke? Certainly, those feelings didn’t go away in a few days, but after all that they’d shared together, did she not even see a possibility where she could love him more? “I believe I said I would have resented you if you were the one who trapped me in that situation. But it is different now.”
Lavinia shook her head. “It doesn’t have to be. And I know that for you having a wife would be a burden… I don’t want to burden you. And I suppose I don’t feel right that you were forced into this situation.”
“Aren’t you forced into it?” Sebastian was getting angrier by the minute. That woman cared about everything else but herself, and, for some reason, she was convinced that was what she deserved. And that made Sebastian’s blood boil.
“Yes… but—”
“But what? You are a woman, and so you’re expected to be forced into situations you dislike?”
Lavinia exhaled a shuddering breath. “Yes. I am used to dealing with things that are out of my control.”
Sebastian smirked. “And that is why—now I don’t mean to be unkind—but that is why the man you’re in love with is married to another woman. That is why your friends are living out their lives the way you’ve wanted to live yours. You think of everyone but yourself. Sometimes it pays to be a little selfish.”
Lavinia looked away.
He’d said too much. Perhaps he’d hurt her. Well, the truth hurt, sometimes.
“I don’t think I know how to be selfish. The only time I did what I wanted without worrying about the consequences, I was foxed.” She chuckled, completely oblivious to the fact that she had just given a major revelation about their night together.
I did what I wanted,she’d said. And that gave Sebastian a glimmer of hope.
They reached the front doors, but instead of entering, Sebastian paused and turned toward Lavinia. “It seems like you just need some practice. And perhaps this is the best place for it. I mean, we are staying in this house alone. We are trapped here overnight, and you are about to marry someone soon, even if it is not going to be me. So why not make this night memorable? Dare I say… wicked.”
Lavinia giggled and fiddled with the clothes in her hands. “I am not good at being a wicked lady.”
“Well, then you definitely need some practice, wouldn’t you say?”
She raised her eyes to his, and Sebastian had to steel himself not to reel from the force of her gaze.
“What do you want?” he asked softly and tucked a loose lock of her hair behind her ear.
“I don’t know… I don’t think Icanbe wicked.”
Sebastian chuckled. “You just bathed half-naked in a stream in the middle of the night with a man who is not your husband. You drank port in a small studio while alone with a gentleman and then asked him to kiss you. You interrupted a kidnapping and forced them to take you, too. And you told off a duke—a duke—when he was forcing unwanted attention on you. You, my lady, are wicked in the best meaning of the word. So please, do not halt now. What is it you want? Tell me, and I just might grant your every wish.”
