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“Our brother died!” she yelled back at me.
“I know.” I bit back from yelling at her. “I know, and I am so sorry for the pain that has caused you all. I truly am. But I can’t stop living because of that. I have no idea what your brother is thinking or wants or will do because he hasn’t talked to me. And I can’t sit by the phone, waiting for God knows how long until he tells me!”
“Then come talk to him. It’s not like he was just ignoring you! Truly! Come and see him—”
“To what end?” I questioned, and she paused, turning her head to the side.
“What do you mean to what end? So you both will be together.”
“Your brother is the future king here. Do I look like a future queen? Will your people accept me as their queen? Just before you arrived, the clerks at reception didn’t even think I was worthy of staying in this room. Your brother and me? That was a brief moment in the past. I’m sure he’s forgotten about me—”
“Gale barely eats!” she cut me off, and I saw her fists clenched. “He barely sleeps. He doesn’t talk to anyone about anything except work anymore. I have been living down the hall from him, and I barely see him myself! No one can talk him out of punishing himself! Not our mother, not me or his old friends, not anyone! And so I thought you—the woman I not only admired but heard he cared about—would be able to do something. I thought you came here because you cared about Gale, but you only care about saving yourself.”
“Yes!” I nodded. “Is that wrong? Who else is going to save me if not myself? I waited! I tried to think positively. I wanted to believe, but with each passing day, reality hit. The world hit. I never asked to be anyone’s hero. I never asked to be a queen. All I want—all I want is to be happy. Is that wrong? You are all asking me to set myself on fire to keep him warm and mad at me for not burning! No!”
She stared me down before she turned and marched to the door. Wolfgang followed after her quickly.
Slam.
I flinched, not because of the door, though. But because of the feelings I was trying to push down.
“This evening, there will be a state dinner for the prime minister of Austria. If it is what you wish, I will have a car bring you to see the Adelaar. I will arrange for you to present him the documents after dinner, and you may return home. Simply call this number,” Iskandar said, placing a card onto the table beside the couch before walking past me toward the door.
“Iskandar.” My voice broke, and I wrapped my arms around myself; unable to look at him, I hung my head. “Is he really that bad? I mean, is he still suffering?”
“Yes.”
“I did not know.” I knew he wouldn’t be all right, but I did not know he would be so depressed.
“Goodbye—”
“Why do I feel like you are mad at me as well, Iskandar? This is not my fault! If I hadn’t come, what would you all be doing?”
“It is not my place to give my opinion. But we would be standing by him,” Iskandar answered. “Even if he did not listen to us. Even if he ignored us, we would stand by him, waiting, believing he would overcome this. Even if he did not call or write or send a smoke signal, we would not leave. That is what loyalty is. That is what I thought husbands and wives did, no matter how terrifying that may be. I see I was mistaken. So, enjoy the rest of your afternoon, ma’am.” He bowed his head, and as suddenly as they had come, they were gone.
This was not how my plan was supposed to go! It was my first day here, for Christ's sake! Sighing, I walked to the side table, picking up the card to see if it had the same emblem as the one on his jacket. On it was what I assumed to be his cell phone number. All this was—not fair. They only cared about their Adelaar. But what about me?
What about how I had felt the last few months, reading headlines of him with women the press thought he was dating? Or watching him be a future king from the sidelines? What about me, the woman who let herself start to fall for a guy, only to have him disappear! What about all the hate that would be thrown at me if I held on to the silly belief that I could be with him, that somehow, we could make it work. This wasn’t a long-distance relationship! It was complicated and messy, and I didn’t want to be hurt more.
I was trying to save myself.
And they were telling me to suffer for him.
It wasn’t fair.
Why were they making it harder?
“I called you this afternoon. But I was told you left the palace with Eliza and Wolfgang?” the Adelaar said. He looked over his speech for the evening as one valet adjusted the medals on his coat, and the other fixed the hem on his trousers.
“Yes,” I answered, hoping he would not ask any more than that.
“Where did Eliza want to go that you had to accompany her and not her own guards?” he questioned, but before I could answer, he spoke to the speechwriter behind him. “I know that earlier I requested you take out the statement about the convention, but on second thought, by doing so, it seems I am avoiding the subject.”
The woman took a step closer. “So, you wish to add it again, sir?”
“Yes, discretely and in passing. Something along the lines of honoring the long history of the partnership between our two countries,” he directed, handing back the papers to her before adjusting his sleeves. “Ah, yes, Iskandar, as you were saying? Eliza? Is she all right? Where did you take her?”
“Yes, she is fine,” I stated. “She went to see a friend.”
