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“Yes, I think, I do,” I whispered. It didn’t make sense to me how. I just knew that I was happiest when I was next to him. Even this morning, despite all of the craziness happening around me, I found myself relaxing, joking, smiling with ease next to him. It really did feel like we just picked up from where we left off—somehow.
“Did I not tell you that you have to be decisive?” She was unrelenting. This was the woman Gale said was one of the sweetest people he had ever met. “You are going to have to come to terms with your feelings very quickly.”
I thought I was moving quickly enough. I wouldn’t have given into him so easily if I did not love him. It was insane how all he had to do was smile and say please, and I was diving back into his arms.
“Understandably, you are hesitant with your feelings as you two were thrown together by outside forces and separated by them as well. Maybe it will take more time. However, you must understand that during that time, you must change as Gale must.”
I tensed at changing. I did not want to lose myself in all of this. “Gale told me—”
“Whatever Gale told you, that was before he became the Adelaar. That was before you would end up being the future queen.” She paused and inhaled slowly before speaking. “Arthur’s death changed everything.” She paused again, and I could hear the emotion she was pushing down. She drank her tea before speaking. “I shall be honest with you, Odette. Had I known I would lose my firstborn, I would never have pushed my second toward you. It is not because I think you are a bad person or undeserving or that you will not make Gale happy. It is because Gale needs someone who can ease burdens beyond having a fortune. I do not know if you are aware, but over the last few months, he has not only been tasked with his duties as the Adelaar but is carrying on the duties of his father while he is ill. I am regent only to buy him more time to adjust. And now, you have come as added stress on his shoulders. But I cannot tell him not to do this because he already has. Which is why I am also upset that he gave me no time to give you your options.”
“My options?”
“Yes,” she said, putting everything she had in her hands back down. “If I had met you before this morning as all queens have done before, I would have told you what my predecessor told me. To be the queen, you must let go of who you think you are and be who your king, country, and children need you to be. That is a hard thing to do, especially in this modern era. And you have already jumped in, and there is no easy way out anymore. Everything you have learned, you need to relearn. And your teaching will have to go deeper because you are...”
“Black?”
Her shoulders dropped, and she frowned. “Sadly, yes. Forgive me for saying it, but it must be said. You will not be this country’s first choice. This is very new for everyone. And so, no mistakes will be tolerable.”
At least she was honest. I looked down at my hands. But was it possible for a person not to make a single mistake? I forced myself to pick up the tea, trying to find words. But honestly, even though I knew this—my mother warned me of this—it hurt to hear right out of the gate.
“Have I discouraged you?” she questioned carefully.
“Aren’t you trying to?”
“My dear, do know it is not about you. It is about us. You are engaged to the future king, yet you know nothing of the culture, the language, and the people, nor do you know any noble traditions or customs. On top of which, you were born into a society in which their ideology is against our existence.”
“Right, so what do we do then?” I said, trying to push down the panic that was rising in me again. It took me a few seconds, but the part of me that wanted to hold on to Gale began to rise. “I cannot change my skin color, so people will just have to get used to that. Everything else, however, I will learn and relearn because I can. Even though I am terrified, I won’t be intimidated. I am too stubborn for that. When someone tells me I cannot do something, it eats away at me until I prove them wrong. I know I can’t do anything except promise, but I do promise that you will see me diving headfirst into it with passion. So, these protocols I will get them, and I won’t be a burden to anyone. All I ask is for fairness.”
She watched me for a moment before reaching over to the side. She nodded, lifting a handbell that sat on the corner table, which I had thought was merely for decoration. When she rang it, the door opened, and Ambrose stepped back in.
“Ma’am?”
“Miss Odette will be selecting her personnel now. Prepare to bring them in,” she said to him, and he nodded, closing the door behind him. With that, her attention refocused on me. “I have instructed everyone in the palace to speak English while you are around until you have gotten used to your Ersovian lessons. I have been told that you have taken some already.”
Informed by who? When? “Yes, I can understand bits of conversations if I am looking at them. But I haven’t gotten the speaking part down yet.”
“If you can hear, you can speak. You will also take etiquette courses. From your upbringing and behavior, I assume you had them as a child?”
“Yes, including what my mother taught me for pageants.”
She did not look impressed at all. “Nevertheless, you will still be tested. Of course, the more you already know, the less we have to worry about. Your duty is simple, Odette—be an asset to the crown. Should you do this, not only will I be fair, I will be biased in your favor.”
Mr. Ambrose opened the door behind the queen, allowing six women in, who in truth looked almost identical. They were all slim and around my age, with their black, or blonde hair pulled back, dressed in a dark-blue dress and one-inch, black heels. They all curtsied to the queen in unison.
“There are things I must see to. I enjoyed our lunch. Now I will leave you in Ambrose’s capable hands,” she said, rising from her seat, and the women and Ambrose bowed their heads to her. She looked at me, and I realized I was still sitting, so I got up. “Live up to what you promised, Odette. We are all depending on it.”
That was all she said as she moved around the couch and toward the door where her assistant waited. When she was gone, I took a deep breath, my shoulders only relaxing slightly. Jesus, that was not comfortable at all.
“We will start with your assistant,” Ambrose spoke up because there was no resting today. “We can skip the secretaries—the Adelaar has chosen Wolfgang for you—and move on to your guard and then to your tutors. I have narrowed each group into six candidates for you to choose from.”
Wait. “All of these women are just candidates for the assistant role? There are other groups outside?”
He looked at me strangely. “Yes, of course. Would it not be confusing and uncomfortable to have them all in here at once?”
By that math, it meant he had over a dozen more people waiting outside for me to choose from.
“Shall we begin? You may wish to sit now, Miss Wyntor. This will take some time,” he stated, and slowly, I sank back down onto the couch.
