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“Also, truthful and sincere and trustworthy and loving and slightly humorous at times.” He chuckled. “You have brought me so much joy. Your confidence in yourself was your best trait, which is why it saddens me to see you so.”
“It is hard to be confident when everyone is telling me that I am ruining the world.”
“You never cared what people said before.”
“I could not see what I was before.”
“And you can now?”
“I don’t know. That is the problem, Father. I do not know anything anymore. Are the things that I want to do really wrong? Are the others right? Am I harming the ones I love instead of loving them? I do not know.”
“Do you want to know a secret about being a king?” he asked, leaning forward. “Gale, we all know nothing.”
“Father.” I almost wanted to laugh.
“It is true.” He snickered. “We do not know if something will be good or bad, right or wrong. All we know is that if we go, people will follow. So, we have to go with confidence. We must act with boldness. We must do as if we know what we must do. No matter what, people will complain and holler or cheer and applaud. We will never be perfect, and we will never please everyone, but we shall press on nevertheless and lead. For that is what we do, and what you must do—press on.”
“Press on. Mother says that too. You all make it sound so easy.”
“What would you like us to say? Stay there and be trampled to ash?”
I chuckled, shaking my head at that thought. “No, that might not be the best advice.”
“I wish I could tell you exactly what you need to hear. I wish I could be of more help.”
I reached out, resting my hand upon his. “You have been helped me more than you could ever truly know, Father.”
He placed his other hand onto mine. “You are not as down as you think you are, Gale. You haven’t gotten there yet.”
“Really? It gets worse? Please, I beg not.”
“I know you will because we all get there. You will get to a point where all of the world seems to be pressing on your neck, and you feel utterly defeated.”
“Are you sure I am not there now?”
“I am sure,” he said softly. “Because on that day, your very worst day, you will not look to me or anyone else, but you will stand and act on your own. That is the difference between children and adults, boys and men, princes and kings.”
I stared at him, scared to ask if he remembered Arthur was gone.
I missed him too much to ask and lose him to the fog of his mind.
I wanted to stay just like this.
But I only managed to speak to my father for another few minutes before he started to fade again. It was hard to watch, which was why I rarely visited him, but at the same time, I was grateful to speak to him, to learn from him. I regretted all the time I had wasted in the past. I knew there was nothing I could do about it now, but it did not change the way I felt. I didn’t want to add to the list of my regrets.
“Balduin,” I called when I stepped back into the hall.
“Yes, sir?”
“Where is Odette now?”
“I believe she should be at the princess’ afternoon luncheon.”
I grinned. “Perfect.”
”Sir?”
“The last time I had a lunch-in, I was fourteen.” Eliza huffed as we waited in the sitting area beside the Victorian room, where today’s lunch-in was to take place. “And it was horrid. Half of them were blowing smoke, as you Americans say, and the other half were making fun of me. They all had dinner at Lady Whistzle’s place that same night to laugh at me. They called me Carrot-top and said my outfit looked like it was made of neon highlighters.”
