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‘Oh no, can’t we just have an unregulated service tonight?’ Minnie pleaded.
‘Shaylene’s a stickler for the rules,’ said the burly male driver, who was filling in some kind of log on the clipboard.
Minnie decided she would need to appeal to Shaylene’s romantic sensibilities.
‘Look, Shaylene, I’m sure you’ve seenSleepless in Seattle? You know that bit where Meg Ryan is supposed to meet Tom Hanks at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day? Well, I’m in a situation a bit like that, except instead ofthe Empire State Building, it’s a party boat, and instead of Tom Hanks, it’s this guy I like, but I have to get there before it leaves at ten. That’s why I’d really appreciate it if, on this one occasion, you didn’t try to regulate the service. It is New Year’s Eve after all,’ she gave Shaylene her most pleading face, clasping her hands together in prayer.
‘You know that saying about how you wait ages for a bus and then two come along at once? You know why that happens?’ Shaylene said, pulling a Snickers bar out of her bag and opening it noisily. ‘Because someone didn’t regulate the service.’ Then through a mouthful of Snickers she added, ‘and I don’t like romcoms.’
‘I loveSleepless in Seattle,’ said Hamish, shaking his head and grinning to himself as he handed the clipboard back to Shaylene.
‘Oh, you’ve seen it?’ Minnie squealed. ‘Then you know what I’m talking about. Oh Hamish, have you ever just had that feeling about someone – that sudden realisation that whatever the risks of getting hurt, whatever the odds of failure, you just have to give it a go? Before I met this guy my expectation of what love could be was like a five. A five! And then with him, when we’re together, it’s like ten – aten!And maybe I’m scared about having a ten and then losing it and never being happy with a five again, but if there’s a chance for a ten, I’ve got to go for it, right?’
Hamish looked up at her with a serious expression, his eyes welling up.
‘I had a ten once,’ he sniffed. ‘His name was Roger and he moved to Amsterdam. He said I should move with him, give up my job on the buses, learn Dutch. I can’t even roll my “r”s.’
‘You never told him how you felt?’ Minnie asked.
‘No, I let him go. I never met a ten since.’ The man looked up at Minnie, he scratched his stubble with a knuckle, a new resolve filled his eyes. ‘Out of the way Shaylene, I’m pulling a double shift tonight.’ He waved her out of the way, and she and her half-eaten Snickers bar clambered out of the driver’s seat.
‘You want to do my shift, be my guest,’ she said, waving a hand in his face.
Hamish pressed the tannoy button. ‘This is now a non-stop,unregulatedservice to Westminster Pier. Anyone not going that way, I suggest they disembark immediately.’
Minnie turned around. Everyone else had long since disembarked. It was just her and the human leprechaun who was now clapping his dog’s paws together in excitement.
‘Let’s get the lady where she needs to go!’ he yelled.
Hamish pulled the bus away from the kerb and the bus bumped along at a rollicking pace.
‘Buckle your seatbelts!’ he cried. ‘Make way for the number ten love bus!’ yelled Hamish, as he sped out, overtaking the car in front.
‘I don’t think we have seatbelts on these buses,’ said Minnie, clinging on to the pole for dear life, while she tried to get herself into a seat, ‘and isn’t this the eighteen?’
‘Now it’s the ten. We’re going to get you your ten, hen, if it’s the last shift I do!’
As the bus screeched up the kerb at Westminster Pier, Minnie could see the boat was still there; she had made it with a minute to spare.
‘Thank you, thank you so much,’ she yelled to Hamish and the human leprechaun as she leapt through the double doors.
‘Go get him, kiddo!’ shouted Hamish.
‘Call Roger in Amsterdam – tell him how you feel! It’s never too late,’ Minnie yelled back as she ran across the road to the pier.
It was one minute to ten. She jumped over the turnstile and ran up the ramp onto the boat. It was surprisingly quiet on board – no music, no people for that matter; maybe the party was below deck? She ran around to the front, trying to find a way down, where she found a solitary woman quietly sweeping the deck.
‘Is this the party boat?’ Minnie asked, trying to catch her breath.
‘No,’ said the lady sweeping. ‘This boat’s not in service. You shouldn’t be on here. Party boat left five minutes ago.’
She pointed to a boat out in the middle of the Thames. It was four times the size of this boat. Lights flashed from the interior and music boomed out over the water. Women wearing sparkling dresses and men in black tie were out on deck laughing and dancing with drinks in their hands.
She had missed the boat. She was too late.
New Year’s Eve 2020
Minnie took the night bus home. She sat dejected, staring out of the window, watching Londoners preparing to celebrate. A group of girls wearing hairbands with glittery pom-poms tottered down the street, and a couple wearing matching red and green jumpers stumbled out of a pub kissing, as a swaying man urinated against a letterbox.
