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This confident, sure-footed man suddenly just looked like someone in desperate need of a hug, but Minnie didn’t dare initiate one.
‘The worst thing is, I can’t sympathise any more. I know she can’t help it, but part of me thinks, “Come on, just try, do the steps!” There’s this treatment strategy for agoraphobics; they take small steps to face their fear, open the door, on to the street, walk one block. Baby steps every day and graduallyyou see progress. She did it before – there were a few years when she wasn’t so bad. Now, it’s like she doesn’t even want to try. She’s given up, and I let her.’
Minnie paused, looking over at him. She didn’t know what to say so they sat in silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence; it was one of those companionable silences when you don’t need to speak in order to communicate.
They finished their breakfast, walked up Parliament Hill to see the view of London, and then back down towards the train station. Minnie looked sideways at Quinn as they passed the cafés and shops near Hampstead Heath train station. His mother’s health issues were clearly a lot worse than she’d imagined. How had her first impressions of Quinn been so wrong? This man who she’d assumed must’ve had such an easy life; clearly it had not been easy at all. Minnie always thought about her own upbringing with a sense of regret. She regretted not having a better relationship with her mother. She regretted that everything felt like a battle with her family – battling to get away, battling to stay, battling to be heard. Then again, maybe everyone had something to complain about when it came to family – at least her mother was able to leave the house.
As they got to the train station, Minnie turned to Quinn with a hopeful look. She didn’t want the morning to end.
‘So what are you up to now?’ she said, brushing away a chunk of tangled hair.
‘I was going to go to my office. I need to sign some paperwork,’ Quinn said. ‘I know, Fun Time Quinn, aren’t I?’ He rubbed the stubble on his chin with a palm.
‘OK,’ said Minnie, biting her lip and looking away.
‘I’m sorry about all that back there, I didn’t mean to get so heavy on you. I don’t tend to talk about her with my friends any more; I’ve bored them all to death over the years.’
‘I’m glad you did,’ she said.
Neither of them made a move to go. Quinn swayed his weight slightly from side to side.
‘There is this other thing I need to do. Maybe you could help?’
Minnie’s head sprung up to look at him. She couldn’t temper her smile. ‘Oh?’
‘I need to adopt a penguin from the zoo.’
Minnie burst out laughing. Of all the things she’d expected him to say, it wasn’t that. Quinn explained that every year his mother struggled with what to get him for his birthday. She’d set upon adopting a different animal each year. He now supported a snow leopard, an orang-utan and a rare breed of Chilean bat. This year, she’d suggested a penguin. Quinn liked to do his research, so he’d been meaning to check out the ones at London Zoo.
‘You know you don’t actually get to take a penguin home from the zoo, right?’ Minnie said as they went through the station ticket barrier together.
‘Really?’ Quinn’s eyes darted back and forth in alarm. ‘I’ve got a bath full of fish at home, and I downloadedHappy Feet– in HD.’
‘Oh High Definition, in that case … You know, it’s lucky you asked for my help, I am amazing at picking out penguins.’
‘You know, that was one of the first things I thought when we met – I bet she knows a good penguin when she sees one.’
Quinn placed his hand on the base of her back as he steered her out of the way of a family running for the train. Minnie felt a tingle down her spine and curled in towards him as they stood inches apart on the busy platform. The fluttering owls had woken up, but instead of making her dizzy and anxious, she now felt these nesting birds like a warm comfort blanket, as though some dwindling hearth inside her had been rekindled with a gentle puff of oxygen.
She was going to the zoo with Quinn Hamilton. She felt like an excited child, full of bubbling anticipation and expectation. There was nothing she would rather be doing right now, no one she would rather be with; and it felt liberating to admit that to herself.
17 May 2020
Quinn bought them tickets and they meandered along the little zoo streets looking at animals.
‘I have never been to the zoo before,’ Minnie confessed.
Quinn did a double take. ‘You poor deprived child. Do you even know what a giraffe looks like?’ Quinn pointed at an enclosure of warthogs. ‘You know they’re not giraffes right?’
‘Ha-ha,’ Minnie elbowed him in the ribs. ‘No doubt you’re an expert after all those childhood holidays on African safaris. Both my parents worked at the weekend, they never had time to take me to the zoo.’
Quinn made a face of mock sympathy. ‘Poor little Olivia Twist – such a deprived, Dickensian upbringing.’
Minnie stuck her tongue out and gave him a friendly glower.
When they reached the penguin enclosure, Minnie let out a cry of delight. ‘Oh look at them, they’re so sweet! Look at their waddly little legs. Oh, and look at that one with the silly hair sprouting out of his head!’ she cried, pointing out one of the penguins. Quinn didn’t say anything. She turned to check he was still there and found him gazing down at her with a look of charmed amusement.
‘What?’ she said.
