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‘You do think this reads Disney fantasy, don’t you, Bev, not weird trippy Christmas panto?’ said Minnie.
‘I haven’t watched much Disney so I’ve got no idea what this is all about,’ Bev said, shaking her head.
Minnie’s eyes darted around for someone else to ask as Bev wasn’t filling her with confidence. She hopped over to Fleur, holding up her tail with both hands – it wasn’t easy to manoeuvre with your legs tied together.
‘Fleur, this does look like a Disney fantasy scene, likeEnchanted, doesn’t it?’ Minnie said. ‘It’s just, the dancing hedgehog and the Teletubbies—’
Fleur had a headset on and touched a finger to her ear, holding out her other hand to silence Minnie.
‘Leila is out of the Tube so ETA five minutes people –five minutes!’ Then she turned to Minnie with an eye roll. ‘I know Bev is really letting the side down with her weird dead-bear-head outfit, but I’ll hide her at the back. Don’t worry, Leila loves all this weird crazy shit.’
Minnie hardly recognised this efficient and organised version of Fleur – she had never been like this when she had been working at No Hard Fillings. It was too late to worry whether the scene was Disney enough. Leila would knowwhat it was supposed to be the second she laid eyes on it – that was what mattered.
Everyone took their positions around the picnic rug, shielding Ian and the horse from view. The plan was for Leila’s new colleague Iggy to bring her here under the pretence of going to a mutual friend’s birthday picnic. The set-up was perfectly positioned behind some trees, so you would only see the full spectacle when you turned the corner.
Tourists stopped to take photos of them, asking if they were shooting a movie, and a group of small children started hugging one of the Teletubbies. Fleur yelled at them all to get out of the way. A crowd of onlookers had now gathered, and people had their phones out, filming, waiting to see what was going to happen. Minnie felt a surge of adrenaline as she looked around her. Even though they no longer worked together, everyone had come to help her create this fantasy for her best friend. Leila was going to be so impressed that Minnie had remembered every detail all these years later.
Finally, Leila and Iggy arrived. Minnie saw them coming around the line of trees, and she felt her chest buzz with anticipation. Leila stopped in her tracks when she saw the scene. Iggy, a willowy brunette in her twenties, pulled Leila’s hand and guided her over to the front of the picnic rug.
‘What the actual blazing fuck-nuts is going on here?’ Leila asked through nervous laughter. ‘Am I hallucinating? Is itThis Is Your Life?’ Leila’s eyes darted around, and she pointed as she started recognising faces in the crowd.
‘Minnie? Is that you?’ she said, squinting at the mermaid.
‘Put this on,’ Iggy instructed, picking up the voluminous sparkling blue Cinderella dress folded neatly in a picnic basket.
This had been another excellent find from Fleur. One of her contacts ran a Cosplay site with replica dresses from all the movies. It turned out Fleur wasn’t a compulsive liar after all – she had delivered on everything she had promised. Her millionaire friend who’d invented seaweed packaging was here dressed as a fairy, and the location producer for Tarantino’s new ghost film was somewhere in the crowd too, recording everything for Fleur’s YouTube channel. Minnie felt bad for ever doubting her.
Leila shook her head in bewilderment, looking around as though expecting some TV presenter to jump out of the bushes. Then the crowd parted and the horse trainer guided Ian and the ‘unicorn’ forward. Ian tried to open his helmet but the eye flaps kept clanking shut. Leila started laughing as soon as she saw him; bent-double belly laughter. Ian huffed and clanked, then decided to dispense with the helmet altogether, taking it off and letting it drop down onto the grass.
‘Leila, I love you with all my heart, you crazy, sexy woman. If you want the fairy tale, even this incredibly weird fairy tale, I promise I will try every day to give it to you. Leila Swain, will you marry me?’
Then he pointed to the fake sparkly gold unicorn horn where his grandmother’s ring was glinting in the sunshineand the singing sheep on the front row started bleating out a sinister rendition of ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’.
Leila was crying and laughing, clutching her sides and gazing up adoringly at Ian, while everyone in the crowd started clapping and cheering.
‘Get down here, you mug,’ she called up to him.
The horse handler and the hedgehog in a tutu helped lift Ian down in his clanking armour. He lumbered over to Leila, crushing a tray of pork pies as he went, causing Bev to let out an involuntary yelp.
‘Well then?’ Ian said. ‘Will you?’
‘Of course I will, you absolute mentalist,’ Leila squealed, grabbing him with two hands and kissing him. ‘But first explain to me what, in the name of the weirdest trip imaginable, is going on here? Why are there mermaids and singing sheep and a hedgehog doing ballet?’
Minnie stepped forward with a Nutella pancake carefully folded on a pink paper plate.
‘This was your dream proposal, remember?’ she said, beaming from ear to ear. Leila looked blank. ‘Remember!’ Minnie said, nudging Leila, ‘We were seventeen, we were at my house watching romcoms and you said that when the perfect guy proposed to you it would be exactly like this. Well, not exactly like this, but you get the idea – it’s the romantic Disney fantasy you always dreamed of!’ Minnie spread her arms in a ‘ta-da’ gesture, waiting for Leila to click.
‘I have absolutely no memory of that conversation,’ said Leila, her mouth locked in a confused smirk, her eyes wideand unblinking. She turned back to Ian. ‘Tell me you didn’t organise all this based on some random conversation Minnie and I had thirteen years ago?’
Ian turned to look at Minnie and covered his face with his hands.
‘I thought it was a seminal conversation!’ cried Minnie.
‘It definitely wasn’t a seminal conversation,’ said Leila, laughing.
‘What’s going on?’ said Fleur, striding over to join the discussion.
‘Leila doesn’t remember the engagement fantasy,’ said Ian, shaking his head.
