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Chapter 22
Back at L’Étacq, once I’ve waved Jasper off, I walk straight down the hill, past the fisherman’s cottage towards the sea. The September sun is warm, the clouds high in the sky, and there is no wind on this side of the island. I just need to sit with my toes in the sand and let my thoughts settle. It’s as though someone has stomped through a pond and dredged up all the mud at the bottom, turning the water dark and cloudy.
On my phone, there’s a text from Dee asking if I want to talk and three from Suki with various work-related questions. Vanya has also messaged asking, ‘Have you found him yet? Was the universe right?’ I turn off my phone. As I walk towards the shore, I see the unmistakable outline of Ted, standing at the water’s edge. My heartbeat quickens along with my step, as I realise I’d been hoping to see him. The letter; that’s why I’ve been thinking about him – guilt. Before I get to the bottom of the footpath, before he notices me coming, I see Ted draw back his hand and fling something into the sea.
Coming up to stand beside him, I say, ‘Hey.’
He turns to see me, and his eyes shift, as though I’ve caught him doing something he shouldn’t.
‘What did you throw in the sea?’ I ask. Ted rubs one palm with the other, and I know then what it is. ‘Your ring.’
He sits on the sand, and I drop down next to him.
‘Is that not a bit drastic?’ I ask softly. His eyes stay firmly on the water. ‘You could have sold it – it’s a waste to throw it in the sea.’
He shakes his head. This feels like a symbolic moment for him, some kind of closure, definitely not the time to be presenting him with Belinda’s number.
‘I wouldn’t want anyone else wearing it.’
‘Did you drop off Gerry at the new place?’
‘Yes. He kept making jokes,’ Ted bows his head, a smile at the corner of his lips, ‘about how I was dropping him off at boarding school, and he was entitled to a tuck box.’ I reach across and squeeze his arm. Ted sighs. ‘I just don’t know what he’s going to do there all day. He likes a cold house, and the heating there is full on all year round. The staff are kind, but some residents there are so much worse than him. I’m not sure he’ll like being reminded where he’s headed.’
‘He’ll be OK,’ I say. ‘He’s an incredible man, your dad. I’m sorry I didn’t say a proper goodbye.’
‘How was your boat trip?’ he asks, eyes still on the breaking waves in front of us.
‘I’m glad to have my feet back on solid ground.’
He looks across at me and smiles, reaching a hand up to my hair.
‘You look all wild and windswept.’
I let him smooth it down around my face, then find myself leaning my head into his hand.
‘You’re back sooner than I thought you would be,’ he says, in a tone I can’t decipher.
His eyes make contact with mine, and he drops his hand almost guiltily from my hair.
‘I got a phone call from my gran, it kind of ruined things,’ I say, my eyes darting to my toes in the sand.
He makes a low hum, an invitation to explain.
‘It turns out my parents’ love story wasn’t quite what I thought it was.’ I pick up a handful of sand, letting it drain through my fingers. ‘The way Mum told it, it was this grand romance, an epic proposal and the perfect relationship until she lost Dad in the accident. Turns out it was only ever just a fling. My dad didn’t even stick around when he found out I was on the way.’
‘I’m sorry, Laura – that must have been hard to hear,’ says Ted, leaning over, and nudging his shoulder against mine.
‘And, to make it worse, none of the objects I have from my dad were even his. His books, this watch – my mum bought them, so I’d have something to “remember” him by.’ I puff out an angry laugh, and take the watch off my wrist, examining it in my hands. ‘I’ve worn this watch every day of my adult life. Every time I look at it, I think of him. It’s been broken twice, and I paid a fortune to get it mended because it felt like’ – I pinch my lips together – ‘the ticking felt like his heartbeat carrying on somehow.’ My vision is swimming. It’s not even a particularly nice watch now I look at it objectively, the muddy brown colour and the hands too thick for the size of the face.
Ted puts an arm around my shoulders, and I want to sink into him. But instead, I fling the watch into the waves as hard as I can.
‘It’s all just meaningless junk.’
Seeing it go, disappearing beneath the waves, I unclip the pendant around my neck and pull my arm back to fling it into the sea too, but Ted stops me, grabbing my arm and gathering me into a tight hug against his warm chest.
‘Don’t, Laura,’ he says softly. Being folded in his arms feels so good, and I let myself go limp against his body. He talks gently into my hair, and the tone of his voice is like dark amber honey; I want it to ooze into every pore.
‘What, you’re allowed to throw things into the sea, but I’m not?’ I ask with a half-laugh, half-sob.
