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‘Just thinking how grateful I am to have you. How much I love you.’
‘Did you inhale my milk hormones when I was pumping? You’re getting all soppy on me,’ Clara said, before kissing her lightly on the head.
Halfway through the tonging process, after a brief knock on the door, in swept Hillary, with a deep-set angry brow and pursed lips.
‘You can’t be in here now, Hillary,’ said Clara. ‘Bridesmaids only.’
‘I’m the bride’s best man, that’s basically a bridesmaid. She doesn’t mind. You don’t mind, do you, Audrey?’
Audrey shook her head. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I just got off the phone with my agent,’ Hillary sighed, then pressed a fist against his lips. ‘I didn’t get that part I auditioned for. The director thinks I look “too young”.’ Hillary slumped down on the bed. ‘I’m forty-five now, when am I going to stop being discriminated against for my youthful appearance?’
‘Most people would be happy to be told they look young,’ Clara pointed out.
‘I’m tired of playing pretty-boy parts, they’re always the dullest roles. I’m due a career renaissance like Hugh Grant or Matthew McConaughey, where their craggy wrinkles and receding hairline give them a new depth of expression. As a man, do you know how many more interesting roles you get offered when you lose your looks?’
‘I wouldn’t say either of those men have lost their looks,’ said Audrey.
‘You need to look like the weight of the world has pummelled your face, that’s when the Tony Award nominations come rolling in. I have been cursed with a full head of hair, perfectly taut skin and eyes that convey a youthful vigour.’
Audrey stood up and walked over to the bed, pulling him into a hug.
‘I promise you – you will look old and gnarled one day.’
‘I’ve done my time as Marius, I’m ready to be Jean Valjean,’ Hillary said dejectedly as he rested his head on Audrey’s shoulder.
Seeing Hillary so disappointed, and Clara so hormonal and emotional, Audrey realised both her support columns were wobbly. If she wobbled too, the whole roof might come down.
‘Not to be insensitive about all this, but Audrey does need to walk up the aisle in a few hours, and you are kind of messing up her hair,’ Clara said, attempting to disentangle Hillary’s arms.
Clara tucked Hillary into Audrey’s bed and made him a cup of chamomile tea. He claimed, only a little overdramatically, that he couldn’t be alone right now. Clara made him promise not to get in the way or make any unhelpful comments about Audrey’s wedding look. Then she instructed Audrey to put on the dress before she did her make-up. Audrey raised her hands above her head so that Clara could carefully lift it over her. The feel of the silk against her skin gave Audrey a strangely sensuous thrill.
‘Virginal white?’ asked Hillary, peering over the edge of his teacup and raising one eyebrow.
‘Didn’t we just say, no running commentary?’ said Audrey.
Hillary pinched his lips closed and hugged his chamomile tea. Then, as Clara pulled the dress down over Audrey’s hips, all three of them heard a terrible ripping sound. Both women locked eyes with each other. Clara darted around to look at Audrey’s backside.
‘Oh shit, oh shit!’
‘What is it?’ Audrey squealed.
‘The whole back seam, it’s ripped wide open.’
Hillary let out a high-pitched squeak, before clapping a hand firmly across his mouth and spilling his entire cup of tea over the bed.
