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Ten Months Before I Do
‘You’ll need to decide where you want to sit, what we want to eat and drink. There’s the guest list, caterers, florists, venue, music. There’s a lot to think about in a wedding, Audrey. I have fifteen tabs on this Excel document alone,’ said Josh. ‘I also have a hundred other non-wedding-related jobs. One of us needs to write to the council and tell them they put us in the wrong council tax band.’
‘Okay,’ said Audrey, then paused.
‘I’ll do that then, shall I?’ Josh asked, a note of resignation in his tone.
Audrey nodded. They were sitting at the kitchen table in their flat, going through Josh’s ‘to do’ list. They had moved in together a few months after getting engaged. Josh’s flat felt too small for them both, so they’d taken on a new lease on a two-bedroom place in Kennington in south London. Audrey had been excited to create a grown-up home, to choose soft furnishings, to have stationery printed (people still did that, right?), to say goodbye to student living and a fridge where Paul still insisted on labelling his cheese.
‘Wedding list,’ Josh said, scrolling down the list on his phone. ‘Are we happy going with the place your mother suggested?’
‘Sure,’ Audrey said, pouring herself a glass of wine.
‘Did you want me to confirm those caterers, or were you and Vivien going to meet a few more options while I’m away?’ Josh tapped his pen on the table and then the washing machine made a loud beeping noise. He jumped up to transfer a load of clothes from the washer to the dryer. ‘We’re out of the anti-colour-run paper. Can you add it to the online order? The tab is open on my laptop.’
This was what cohabiting looked like. This was the happily ever after great romances were written about.
Audrey had known Josh was organised, that he liked to be on top of things, but sharing a flat with him had illuminated a whole new world of Joshisms. Josh got up at six, even though he didn’t need to leave the house until seven thirty. He liked time to ‘collect himself’ in the mornings, to go for a run and then read the newspaper over a leisurely breakfast. Audrey prided herself on being able to get from bed, to shower, and out of the front door in seven minutes flat. Josh owned seasonal duvets – four tog for summer, ten for winter. Audrey had only ever owned one duvet, and before dating Josh she’d had no idea what a tog rating even was. Josh put salt in the dishwasher at regular intervals. He had a ‘to do’ list on his phone full of tasks, like ‘update contents insurance’. Audrey had a ‘to do’ list in her head, which often got muddled and rarely got done.
‘Shall we go to the pub?’ Audrey suggested, when Josh had finished loading the dryer.
‘Why?’
‘Because this might be more fun in the pub.’
‘It’s a Monday night. We need to make some decisions on this stuff. I don’t have any time at the weekend, and I’m rammed all week.’ Josh looked tense.
‘I know, you’re right.’ Audrey sighed.
‘Look, why don’t we work on the invitation list?’ he said, coming to sit beside her and opening yet another tab on his Excel sheet. ‘I’ve made a list of my friends and family in this column, and then a list of yours here. I’ve highlighted the definites in green, and the orange are maybes.’
‘Ugh, why is Ester green? You’re hardly friends with her anymore.’
‘She was in Pembroke with me, I can’t invite some of the college gang and not the others. They come as a group.’
‘She hates me, she wanted you to marry Harriet.’
‘Why would I marry Harriet?’
‘Because she’s been in love with you since university.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘You’re so blind. It’s very obvious.’ Audrey took another swig of wine, warming to the topic. ‘Have you noticed, whenever she takes a group photo, she always posts the one where I have my eyes closed or I’m looking in the wrong direction?’
‘How malicious of her,’ Josh said, nodding in mock sympathy. ‘Are you’re saying we can’t invite Harriet now? Harriet’s a good friend of mine.’
‘Who wants to sleep with you.’
‘Are you jealous of Harriet?’
‘No, it’s fine.’ Audrey shrugged. ‘Maybe I’ll invite Handsy Hamish.’
‘If you’re going to start inviting every random guy you’ve kissed at a party, then we’ll need to find a bigger venue.’
‘Ouch.’
Audrey closed the laptop. She knew she was being petulant. You couldn’t be with someone like Josh and get jealous every time another woman looked at him.
