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Four and a Half Hours After I Didn’t
‘Audrey?’ Josh said again.
Audrey tried to speak but found the words gelatinous in her mouth.
‘It’s not what you think,’ she said.
‘What the hell should I think?’ he said, eyes wide in dismay.
Fred let go of Audrey and took a step towards Josh, holding out a hand, as though to prevent Josh from getting any closer.
‘You should just tell him,’ said Fred, turning back towards Audrey.
‘Tell me what?’ Josh said, his forehead pinched into a deep-set frown. ‘Audrey?’
‘No, Fred,’ Audrey said firmly, but Fred turned away from her. Audrey clenched her hands into fists, steeling herself for what Fred might be about to say. She had that feeling again, of everything happening in slow motion.
‘Audrey’s not supposed to be with you, she’s supposed to be with me.’
Josh laughed a chesty, disbelieving laugh. ‘Why are you kissing Miranda’s boyfriend?’ His voice took on an edge as shock and disbelief turned into something sharper, angrier, the reality of what he had just witnessed beginning to sink in. The look on his face cut right through Audrey. It was amazing, the clarity that came from witnessing the loss of something you thought you could bear to lose.
‘That’s not true.’ Audrey shook her head, the taste of Fred’s unwanted kiss still on her lips.
‘She doesn’t want to hurt you,’ Fred said with a sigh, laying a hand on Audrey’s arm, which she shook off.
Audrey swallowed, the words not coming, her head spinning, the bruise on her temple throbbing with renewed pain. Maybe she’d banged her head harder than she thought when she’d hit the stone floor of the church, all her thought patterns felt jumbled and confused.
‘Audrey?’ Josh asked again, his eyes pleading with her to somehow explain all this away. ‘What’s going on? Do you know him?’
‘Yes, we met years ago. It threw me slightly, him showing up last night, it... it brought back a lot of things from that time in my life...’
A flash of fear sparked in Josh’s eyes. ‘Is this what you were talking about upstairs, about having doubts?’
Audrey shook her head. ‘No, he just kissed me. It took me by surprise. It’s not what I want.’
‘From where I was standing, you really looked like you were kissing him.’ Josh’s voice broke as he spoke. His face crumpled with anger and pain, impossible to hide. Audrey had never seen this expression on his face before, every small muscle a turmoil of contorted feeling. ‘Why did you keep this a secret?’ Josh’s eyes were tearing up now. ‘We told each other everything about our pasts, everyone we were with before.’
‘It was only one day.’ She stepped towards him, but he stepped back. Looking up into his face, the hurt in his eyes, Audrey felt as though her heart was being slowly crushed by a steamroller. How had she let this happen? What madness had overtaken her?
‘But you kept my photo in your wallet all this time,’ Fred said, beneath his breath.
Josh must have seen something in her face then, because his jaw tensed, his eyes turned a steely shade of grey.
‘Where’s your wallet?’
‘Josh, please, this isn’t—’ Isn’t what? What could she say in her defence?
‘Where is it? In our room? In your bag, on our wedding bed?’
Without waiting for a response, he turned, striding out of the conservatory, back across the dance floor, through the dining room full of guests. Audrey hitched up her dress and ran after him, calling his name.
‘Josh! Wait!’ she called, desperate for him to stop, ignoring the room full of wedding guests.
‘Audrey!’ Fred called, and in that moment, she hated him. She hated him for being there now, hated him for not being there all those years before, hated him for speaking for her now. Mainly she hated him for hurting Josh. But she only had herself to blame, because she had not listened to what her heart had been telling her all along.
Guests had gathered on the dance floor, waiting to see the first dance, now that the band had warmed up. Instead, they all watched as the bride chased the groom across the hall. Audrey noticed Granny Parker chatting with Hillary. Clara was swaying from side to side holding baby Lily on her hips, her arm around Jay, who was holding Bea. She had a look of such joy in her eyes, but then as her gaze shifted to Audrey, it turned to concern.
Josh was already at the stairs; he was too quick for her in her heels, and when they got to their suite, he had already found her handbag and was tipping its contents out onto the bed.
