Page 93 of Before I Do


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Audrey looked up at the sky, but when she turned back to Josh, she saw that he was watching her.

‘You’re supposed to be looking at the sky, not at me,’ she said.

‘Are you happy?’ he asked, his eyes brimming with fondness.

‘Yes, Josh, this is incredible. Can we live here?’ She leaned in to kiss him, feeling the welcome heat of his lips in the cool air of the observatory.

‘Come and see Andromeda, Audrey, she’s clear as anything tonight,’ said Phileas, beckoning her back to the telescope.

‘What’s Andromeda?’ Josh asked, a hand caressing her back as she leant over the lens to look.

‘Another galaxy,’ Phileas explained.

‘That’s going to collide with ours,’ said Audrey.

‘Really?’ Josh said, with a note of concern.

‘But not for another four billion years, so you don’t need to worry.’

‘Audrey, do you want a job here?’ Phileas laughed.

They spent three hours looking out at the universe, and Audrey and Phileas were soon having conversations that Josh had a hard time keeping up with. As Josh tried to stifle a yawn, Phileas finally said, ‘I’m sorry, Audrey, I was meant to close an hour ago, we should really let Josh get to his bed.’ They both looked at Josh, who quickly tried to appear more alert. ‘I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed talking to a fellow enthusiast.’ Phileas shook her hand. Something about the astronomer reminded Audrey of her father, and she didn’t want to leave, she didn’t want him to stop talking. Her dad would have loved this place.

Josh had booked them two nights in a remote cabin in the woods. As he opened the door, they found a large futon bed in the middle of the room, draped in cosy sheep-skin rugs and floor-level lanterns. Best of all, above them was a glass ceiling, revealing the entire pristine, star-speckled sky.

‘It’s a stargazing pod,’ Josh explained.

‘I am not going to sleep,’ Audrey said, jumping onto the bed. ‘How will we sleep when there’s all this to look at?’

‘I feel the same whenever I’m in a bed with you,’ said Josh, lowering himself down beside her, kissing her neck as he unbuttoned her blouse.

‘Josh, this is the most incredible, thoughtful present, I... I love you.’

And it felt so natural, she didn’t even brace herself to say it. She loved him. She loved that he was trying to plant a thousand trees to make the world a better place. She loved how considerate he was to strangers. She loved how self-conscious he was when he wore his glasses, how his top lip started to sweat when he got embarrassed. She loved how oblivious he was to the attention he got from other women. She loved how he had a list on his phone of every book he’d ever read. She loved that he unknowingly whistled Winnie-the-Pooh songs to himself when he ironed. She loved the way he held her, as though she was something precious, and she loved the way his broad, firm body felt against hers.

‘I love you too,’ he said. ‘More than you can know.’

After they made love, Audrey lay in his arms and pointed out all the constellations they could see. She told him the stories she knew, many that her father had told her.

‘Isn’t it strange to think that every human who’s ever lived has looked up at this same sky, and that all these stars will still be here, long after every one of us is gone? My dad used to tell me we’re all made of stardust – that’s where the atoms in our bodies originally came from.’ She paused, feeling overwhelmed by a strange cocktail of emotions. ‘This has been the best night of my life.’

‘Me too,’ he said.

They fell asleep with their bodies entwined, Audrey’s head on his chest, as she listened to the steady beat of his heart.

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