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“What have you got there?” he asked in a strangled voice.
Lottie showed him the cover. “Hints to Lady Travellers: At Home and Abroad.”
He let out a snort. “I suppose they’ll print anything these days.”
“This book hasn’t gone out of print in nearly ten years. Womendotravel, you know. And often alone.” Then Lottie raised an eyebrow. “I had no idea you had become so conservative.”
“I’m nothing of the sort,” Alec protested. “I didn’t realize there was a demand for such information.”
“Well, it may interest you to know that I’m hardly an outlier. Haven’t you heard of Gertrude Bell, or Isabella Bird?”
Alec shot her a sour look. “Yes.” Isabella Bird’s extensive world travels had made her a household name, not to mention the first woman allowed to join the Royal Geographical Society. Why, Sir Alfred knew the woman personally. And Alec had quite enjoyed Bell’sPersian Pictures. “I’ve no objection to adventuresses.”
“Just as long as I’m not one of them?”
Alec narrowed his eyes. Those women were different. They had built their wholelivesaround discovery—and it hadn’t come without a personal price. “I certainly hope you aren’t intending to travel farther east. It’s dangerous.”
Lottie pointedly ignored his gaze as she moved to the bed. “Whatever I do after this is not any of your concern.”
Alec opened his mouth and then quickly shut it. He longed to challenge her, but with what? She was absolutely right. He pulled a hand through his hair, strode over to his own battered bag, and spent the next several minutes taking his frustrations out on his toiletries. After a few satisfying bangs, he cut a sidelong glance at Lottie. She had removed her wrapper and was tucked under the covers reading by the light of the little bedside oil lamp.
He imagined her cuddled up on a narrow camp bed in a canvas tent while a sandstorm raged outside, perfectly content. Was that really the kind of life she wanted?
“You aren’t going to sleep on the floor again, are you?” Lottie didn’t bother looking up as she flicked a page.
“What?” He was distracted by a trail of freckles that ran down the side of her neck before disappearing beneath the nightgown’s neckline, like the world’s most erotic treasure map.
She met his eyes and shrugged as if she had suggested something utterly harmless, like opening a window. “The bed is massive, and you do look tired.”
Alec shook his head slowly. “I don’t think so.”
Lottie gave him a pitying smile. “You’re being rather silly about this. We won’t be anywhereneareach other.”
Alec cleared his throat by way of answer. It was a fair point. The bed could easily sleep four, but it wasn’t the size that worried him.
“Besides,” she added slyly, “it’s not as if we’ve never slept next to each other before.”
Of all the times to call upon their shared past…
“That wasdifferent!” he sputtered.
Lottie canted her head and studied him, as if he was a coded message to crack. “How so?”
Alec gritted his teeth so the words wouldn’t slip out:You didn’t havebreastsyet.
The summer he was twelve and she was eight, they had spent the night in a little playhouse in the woods that Lottie called her “fairy cottage.” They ate tinned food and slept side by side in two camp beds pretending they were American pioneers. It was entirely innocent, but when the gamekeeper discovered them the following morning, Alec was sent to Sir Alfred’s study, where he was promptly caned without any preamble. Alec made no protest and shed no tears, but he did not forget his guardian’s parting words:I’m a patient man, Alec. But you need to learn your place. And it isnotwith her.He was then sent back to school even though term wouldn’t start for another month.
When he returned for Christmas, Lottie nearly made herself sick from crying so hard. She didn’t stop until Alec hid them behind a curtain in the library and pulled her onto his lap.
After a time, she calmed down enough to speak: “Promise me you won’t go away ever again,” she sniffled into his shirt. “Promise you won’t leave me.”
“Not if I can help it,” he vowed, full of the kind of righteous anger only the very young can muster.
But there was nothing he could do then. Neither of them was in control of their lives. And Alec could not afford to anger his guardian any further. He knew very well there was nowhere else for him to go. After that, Alec always made sure to keep a proper distance between himself and Lottie, especially in Sir Alfred’s presence. When she grew a little older, she understood and reciprocated. They were still friends, of course, but an invisible wall grew between them. It wasn’t until the night of her ball that he dared to hold her so close once again.
Lottie still stared at him, awaiting his answer. “We were children,” he growled.
And that was all he intended to say on the subject.
